Thirteen Ways To Cope≫ ImmortalHD

6-stay positive

I walk down the hallway, with my head down completely terrified for my next hour. It was a test, but not just any test. A test that was worth a large portion of my grade. A test that if I failed would cause my grade to decrease by an enormous amount. 

A test that terrified me at just the thought of it. 

At this point in time I was almost positive I'd fail it. Every passing second made this thought stronger and I became more worried about flunking completely. My mind was screaming that I'd fail and at his point I was on the edge of a break down over the whole ordeal. 

The worry apparently showed on my face though as when I reach my locker there's a small note resting on top. When I finally go it unfolded there's the same sloppy hand writing that I'd become used to seeing on each note. The messy scrawl that I'd become accustomed to providing comfort appears again on the paper.

Remember what comes next.

I'm surprised there's no signature or initials this time but brush it off to focus on the bigger matter at hand. Biting my lip I rack my brain for what came next on his list of ways to cope. It wasn't a difficult task though as I'd memorized the entirety of the note. Each and every word written on it was imprinted on my mind and probably would be forever. Somehow it's no surprise though that next was be positive. 

I always thought this on would be easy, then again when faced with a challenge positivity is the last thing on my mind. Maybe it was that way for everyone. Maybe it was the same for him, and that's how he knew. 

Taking a deep breath I shove the note in my pocket, and head toward the classroom trying to think positive. 

Thinking positive did help in the negativity surround the test. When it came to thoughts of Eddie, positivity was no match for the black abyss known as my thoughts. 

When I thought of Eddie anymore everything seemed to be negative except for the few memories that qualified as happy. For the most part it was a deep regret of not telling him I love you more, a deep sorrow for his passing, and an internal self hate and anger for ever allowing him a chance to slip away. 

The self hate was deep rooted and never seemed to go no matter what I did. It was the voice in the back of my head constantly nagging at me, and reminding me of everything. It reminded me of every awful thing I'd said to Eddie in fights, even though I apologized that part of me screamed it might never have happened. 

That tiny voice had become the bane of my existence and creates every ounce of negativity that fills me. Trying to think positive didn't help in the slightest as the negative bogged up my mind and made positivity obsolete. Nothing could cure my negativity around the subject of Eddie. 

I take a deep breath and sit down at my desk trying to pull myself together. I remember everything he had instructed me to do, and try to go through it all, but end up in tears which I suppose was okay. 

As I cry I try to block out my negative thoughts, and replace them with positive ones. Eddie wouldn't be upset with me, it wasn't my fault. 

Eddie wouldn't want to me to mourn, he'd miss my smile, and perhaps he does up there. 

He wouldn't want me to struggle. He wants me to cope, and so does Eddie. 

I cycle through these thoughts again and even go come up with more. I replace negative thoughts with positive ones, and slowly rebuild myself. This was a test as well it just wasn't in paper. This was a test of how strong I was, and I was slowly coming up with the answers thanks to him. 

a/n

This feels repetitive but I tried to fix it and it didn't help

Idk