Immortal Desire || SanHwa / Seonghwa x San

4. White Eyes

A month was a long time to wait.

At least it was for San.

The days waiting he still found himself walking to the gates every night at dusk, just to stare at the palace like he always did.

Occasionally Yunho joined him, and they chatted lightly about anything and everything.

As the nights progressed, he developed a new habit of waking up early to walk up the mountain. He'd sit by Wooyoung's grave in silence, not quite knowing why, studying the small flowers and intricate little objects scattered through the rocks.

He didn't understand why they were there. But he did notice something unusual.

The first two weeks he developed this new habit, he noticed the small wooden bowl of water was always full. He couldn't guess how, other than that this Seonghwa person kept filling it back up.

But halfway through the third week, San noticed the bowl was dried up and empty.

He made a note of it and remembered to bring a bottle of water up the mountain the next morning to fill it up, as he didn't know of any water streams along the mountain.

It became necessary for him to bring the water every morning now. Even if the water bowl was full and he knew it was.

He also started a routine of maintenance he didn't even realise.

He'd make sure the water was full first, before standing the plush lion back up if it had toppled over.

The little dog pendant he'd find himself cleaning of any dust or dirt. And in doing so he'd also clean the wy engraving of any moss or algae that would start to grow.

San, for seemingly no reason, started to feel sour towards whoever Seonghwa was, for the sole reason that San felt like he was the only person taking care of this grave.

He became the only person to fill the water up, clean the dirt, reset the toys.

He wondered if Seonghwa even came to visit anymore. Some days San would stay all day in case he could meet the older.

It was driving his mother insane, the increasing absence of her son, she couldn't help but accept it, knowing how much all of this has been bothering him over the years.

But through all these trips up the now familiar mountain, a dull ache followed him.

And one morning, almost a week before his birthday and the Coronation festival, the pain was too much for San to even move.

There was no way he could climb a mountain, since every time he shifted even the slightest, his body screamed in almost agony.

His joints burned inside him, his neck ached right along the spine as if it had been snapped by someone.

He could barely register time, the hours blurring together, with vague awareness of his mother tending to him with damp cloths to his head and warm, untouched soup by his bed.

It wasn't until Yunho's voice resounded did San actually attempt to open his eyes to see.

Yunho stepped into his room slowly, a covered ceramic bowl in his hand as he approached him.

"Hey Sannie...are you okay?" Yunho's expression told him he already knew the answer as he sat down beside San on the bed, placing the bowl beside the soup his mother had left.

San didn't trust his voice at all, and could barely muster a shake of his head and the small whimper that left his lips.

Yunho nodded, pulling out a small wooden container from his jacket pocket.

"I have something I wanted to try, I'm hoping it will help the pain." He opened the lid to the little box, before resting his hand on the top of the duvet covering San's bare shoulders.

"May I?" He asked softly. San nodded slightly, and Yunho pulled the covers back to reveal the younger's back. He was covered in sweat.

"It's a herb ointment Mingi made for me once. Once I rub it into your back, it should help your pain, and your fever." San did nothing, couldn't if he wanted to, as Yunho dipped his fingers into the slightly yellowed ointment.

A sound of pain left San's lips as Yunho started to rub the cream into his back. His skin burned under the man's touch, but there was a sense of comfort in it.

He could do nothing but bury his head in his pillow while Yunho worked the cream into his muscles, even focusing on his neck and spine without being prompted to.

San really didn't think he deserved any of this pain. It felt like to him, he was being punished for existing.

"Why..does...it hurt.....so much?" San croaked weakly.

"I don't know pup, I wish I knew." Yunho murmured softly.

The pain, to San's relief, was subsiding slowly as the ointment soaked into his skin.

They spent a few long minutes in silence, Yunho continuing to encourage blood flow into San's joints, as the younger started to take deeper breaths now that his rib cage didn't feel like it was going to crack into pieces if be breathed too deep.

"Wooyoung's grave..."

"It's okay pup. Mingi went up the mountain this morning to take care of it." San hummed contently.

"I know the pain is only going to get worse from here on out, so I think we should try using this ointment twice a day, until after the festivities die down. Maybe it will help enough for you to be able to attend the festival, and maybe even visit Wooyoung."

That sounded like a solid plan to San, and given how at ease his body finally felt, he would gladly sit through this twice a day if it meant living through a birthday pain free for the first time in his life.

With the pain subsiding, San started to drift to sleep, Yunho staying by his side, massaging his back soothingly.

*

*

*

It was those white eyes staring at him again. Only this time he was alone. There was no one else. No flaming pier, no body wrapped in white. Just the raven in the tree, staring with one eye facing him.

He was perched above the familiar gravestone, the field of flowers tickling San's feet as he stepped barefoot towards the glowing white engraving.

The wind rustled the trees, but as San stepped to the stone, he gasped, almost choking in fear at the words written on the stone.

It wasn't Wooyoung's.

In perfect lettering, aged moss growing in the indents of the cursive, spelled in perfection with his death date carved off...

San.