When the flowers grow

letter #8

it's funny you know, how some people just aren't meant to be.

its always when you think that you have just found the "one", somehow it always gets crushed by reality and the delusional state of mind you have been given and feed upon tears it self down...

maybe I should take a moment to allow you to look back on what has happened....

"Alex?", my tone stays soft as I walk through the doorway entrance.

"hello? anyone?", I call out to a dark hallway trying to keep my cool.

I look around for him trying to search the darkness for a single person.

"Amara?", I finally hear an answer and my heart sinks with joy.

I follow where the voice is coming from and see a sight I wish wasn't there. Alex is seating down with a bottle of alcohol and a cigarette in hand.

"maybe I should go", just when I have just started to walk away I feel a hand go onto my arm and pull me back.

"I'm glad you came, I've been wanting to talk to you", he starts to slur clearly drunk out of his mind.

"get. off. me. YOUR DRUNK I GET THAT, BUT DONT. YOU. DARE. BRING ME INTO THIS.", I sneer at him.

I see the hesitation in his movements and wanting to fight away something going on in his head.

"We don't work because we never win.", he starts.

I feel the confused look upon my face as I see the struggle on himself, "again your drink Alex just..." he shushed me before I could go on...

"Everyone else has their stupid perfect f***ing bubble and we have nothing, NOTHING Amara.", I hear the anger and pain in his voice as I know he is only acting out from summers death, but it still hurts to hear his words knowing they could be true.

he may be drunk but I know he can be sober enough to clear his slur to know what he is saying is all him right here in the moment.

I feel the tears drip from my face and right now I sure glad its to dark to hardly see another face.

god please not know, wait till I leave to do this.

"Amara", he softens his tone down looking at my face and his expression goes to worried.

"no, I get it! your right we should just move on, I will for one take the first step", I smile walking away and feeling his arm on me once more and I want to fight it off but I turn around and hug his deeply and dearly before pulling away and kissing him one last time and fighting my way out of his hold but he doesn't put up a fight really.

"maybe one day when the flowers grow and bloom again we can be together in another world or life where things work out perfectly there", I smile fighting the tears.

this is the end of us, no more Alex and Amara....

I fight the tears away trying to wipe what I have away from my face only seeing the blur through my eyes, I sniffle a few times and get into my car again and start to drive away.

I know I'm in no shape to drive but maybe just maybe a truck will come by and hit me, cause after all what do I have ti live for? Oliver's distant, summers passed, and now Alex is gone to me too.

I may be letting my emotions get the best of me but in the moment everything makes sense.

driving down the highway I hear my radio start to turn off, "shit, can this day get any worse?"

I try to mess with it while trying to keep my grip on the steering-wheel as I drive and my eyes on the road.

I swerve my way around a few cars missing many chances at death here, I look down again to get it to worse and slap this piece of shit finally getting it to work as I hear a loud honk making me jerk up seeing a bright light coming straight for me.

I close my eyes preparing myself for the only thing about to hit me with no time left to move out of the way.

my car goes charging forward and collided with a big impact making me going flying forward and hit my head on the glass.

time seems to stop as I fell my body being thrown around hitting my head repeatedly.

a pain striking feeling goes right to my head and left side, I start to feel a warm sensation pool out from both spots and I feel light headed.

I'm guessing my car flipped as well due to me feeling as if all the blood is rushing to my head, everything just happened so quickly I didn't even have time to prepare myself.

I deserved this...

my breath starts to slow as my chest now feels like a thousand pounds, I try gasping for air but it hurts to much.

I start shaking as I feel scared and have no idea what todo, I can't move or feel much on my skin.

suddenly my body feels like a billion pounds and my head is throbbing and I feel weak... and unable to do or see much of anything other than a blur.

I hear something try to smash my car window, I want to scream and say I'm in here but I can't seem to talk above anything that of a quite mumble.

after some time the hitting and banging stops and I hear a muffled voice before two arms go around my body trying to pull me out and wiggle me away from my seat belt.

they are successful and pull me close to their chest and I hear the cries try to escape from there throat and an overwhelming familiar scent consumes my nostril, Alex.

"I'm sorry", I breath out as it is becoming more and more default to stay awake.

why am I so tired.

"Amara, please... please don't say that. I'm the one to be sorry,I love you more than the sun and the moon combined, so please... please don't leave me", he cries onto me.

love,

its a funny word, we use it to describe the people we love and tell them how much we care for them but I don't think we know the impact it has on us.. and sometimes, just sometimes we use it for the wrong person.

and my eye lids began to struggle and they feel heavy and as if there is not enough time in the moment.

"I think I'm gonna take a nap", I whisper so softly I don't think he could've heard me until I hear him yell for me to keep my eyes open so I can stay awake.

I'm so tired, I can't keep my eyes open.

I need to rest Alex, later I will show you I am awake, later....

I wish he could've heard me say that.

maybe when the flowers grow he will....

*Authors note: hey lovely's, it felt unfair to post so highly of this book and have nothing for you all to go off of so I thought maybe I will post a bit of the book see how it goes and post more later. this book will get so much more interesting and I feel confident you'll love it just like "falling onto you". *