When the flowers grow

letter #11

Amara 

Dear summer,

Do you think they can hear my screams above? Do they listen to my pleas for help? How many sleepless nights will I have without you?

I want you to hear me but I want you to hear me loud and clear.... Come back home, sleep in our bed, let your pillows and covers feel the warmth of your sunshine.

I need your warmth; I need to see you again. Come home to me summer it's been to long and I can't take it much longer, come home.

Hear me begging for you each night, watch me cry over you under the oak tree, see me.

Come back....

Amara and Alex miss you, they don't feel at home, they've become cold, distant, scared.

You were our glue and without you there is nothing worth staying for.

We need you... I need you.

I wish to hold you once more in my arms, feel your breath on my arm as I hold you close, feel your warmth.

The last time I placed my eyes on you, you were cold, pale, wires attached and monitor blank.

I can't even look at your car park outside, it's still in the same spot you lift it collecting dust.

It's been 3 years, I have began to find myself gasping for air when I wake only to turn over and pat your side of the bed fearful of that dreadful night again.

I can't live like this much longer.

Come home, for me.

-Oliver

I killed him.

I did this to him and all he wanted was his love back.

its been five years since summers passing, Oliver now gone and with his last words all they are meant for is summer. how can someone find love so deep and meaningful? and I took everything from him.

they were two unlucky souls who found each-other and made a way to bring out the best in themselves and everyone else they met.

"AMARA!", Alex's voice booms over from across the room.

"over here!", I shout back as if you couldn't hear my cry for desperation between everything, Im so heart broken, its one thing to lose someone... but two! I I don't know if I could ever recover.

eventually Alex comes over to me getting my gaze, "Amara, you gotta stop reading that letter. it wasn't meant for you and Oliver AND summer couldn't imagine seeing you like this! I can't see you like this without wanting to break myself", his voice soft as if he knows not todo anything that can hurt me.

he lefts a hadn't to my check to wipe the tears I've let fall for years, I stop him, "DONT. TOUCH, ME", my voice can be a dagger to his throat. 

"your gonna have to let me back in eventually", I hear his own pain in the words he's given me.

I don't know how to even act around him anymore, is this how its gonna be forever? pushing people I love away?

he pulls me in for a deep hug, the scent of honey and smoke take over my nose. I know this hasn't been easy for him either and I'm glad we have each other but how long until thats over?

I'm the one to pull away first, I know he needed the hug more than me but I can't hold on forever so I reopen the gap we have tired to close and without warring I walk away holding onto his hand as it slips farther and farther away. he lets it go limp into his side as I join everyone else out for the funeral.