Chasing Sunsets

23

The problem that comes with sleeping for hours during the day, is that you wake up during the night at odd hours.

You wake up when it seems unnatural to be awake. In the small hours of the morning, the ones where you look at the clock, and you know that there's only been a handful of times when you've seen the hands strike those numbers before. 4:34 AM, was one of those times.

Of course, I wasn't quite aware of the time when I woke up. The only thing I was sure of, was that I was most definitely not in my bed. I wasn't curled up in my comfortable linens, no. Instead, I was laying on Chase's chest. He seemed to have pulled us backwards, laying down on his back so I could in turn, lay down on him. I didn't move at first, I simply listened. I could hear his heart beating, the sound rhythmic and comforting. Like the sound of your favourite TV show playing in the background, making you feel like you're not completely alone in your thoughts.

I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay in this moment, and I wasn't sure exactly why.

Well, maybe that's a lie. Maybe I did know why. Before that day, I had begun to realize my feelings for Chase. I had begun to realize that not only did I like him, I liked being around him. I liked the way he made me feel when I was around him. He didn't make me feel how boys usually made me feel, like they were only interested in getting me to go out with them. No, Chase made me feel like he was interested in knowing me. Knowing me, for me, and not just for what I appeared to be.

I remembered the butterflies I had begun to feel around him. The way I thought about him, the way I wondered about him. The way I thought about him when I was falling asleep, and the way I  smiled when he was around me. I remembered all of those things, of course I did.

But, how could I feel them now?

I didn't have space to feel them, right? I only had space for Isla, and for Bella.

Right?

I only had space to miss her. I only had space to feel the pain of her loss. I only had space to think about Bella, to make sure he was okay...right?

How could I be thinking about something so simple as a crush, when it's only been a month since my world shattered?

I sighed, the feeling of guilt creeping into my heart. The small movement of my chest rising and falling must have caused Chase to stir; I felt him move beneath me. I stilled, becoming nervous. There was another reason why I wasn't sure about my feelings for Chase. He didn't have those feelings for me, did he? Unless, those deep feelings he had for that other girl, whoever she was, had lessened since I spoke to him last.

"Indie?" Chase whispered, his voice hoarse.

I should have peeled myself from his chest, sitting upwards once again and letting him reclaim his personal space. The problem, was that his fingers has resumed their tracings on the skin of my back, and as if they were hypnotizing me, I didn't move away. In fact, I did the opposite, as my body relaxed, I sunk further into him.

"Are you awake?" Chase whispered again, clearly not sure whether I had fallen back asleep.

"Yeah," I muttered, and I noticed how nervous my voice sounded.

At the confirmation that I was indeed awake, Chase's hand's stopped their movements. They wrapped themselves around my waist instead, gripping against my skin with a delicate pressure. The action caused me to inhale sharply, somewhat from surprise, but mostly from the feeling shooting through my chest. 

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Chase asked quickly, raising his hands away from my skin. He noticed my reaction, and I wasn't surprised.

"No," I let out, regretting my actions. "Nothing is wrong, you just surprised me."