The Hotelier

Pt. 11 - Calm Waters, Anxious Minds

"And baby through the years

Gonna love you more each daySo I promise you tonightThat you'll always be the lady in my life"

I tried to sing quietly, to not wake up the guests of the hotel. But I wanted to finish the song so badly, and I did. And when I did, I ended up so close to her. So close that I felt like I was going to fuse with her. I wanted to fuse with her.

My mind was racing. Should I do it? Or should I wait for her?

My body was on fire. I was feeling so hot that I felt I would light a fire up. 

We didn't move. Just sat there and looked at each other.

My thoughts were streaming rapidly through my mind. Do I want to kiss her? Did I even want to sing that song? God, I'm so stupid... I shouldn't have sung it. She is maybe not even interested, maybe it's just the moment. And I? I am going to be just as miserable as before.

Is it worth it to put in the effort? Maybe not... Will I try to be a man at least once? No. I'm too afraid to risk so much.

"Good night, Cestria" I almost growled, that's how deep my voice was. I didn't realize my throat was that dry until now.

I couldn't stay there and watch her. I had to get away. Now

So I did. 

🌺🌺🌺

I laid in my bed and tried to fall asleep, but failed, no matter how hard I tried. My thoughts always went to him and what happened earlier. 

Was it just the moment? Or did he want me to do it? Ugh, this is so hard

I need fresh air

I walked out of the room, trying to not wake up my friends, and went to the pool. I saw the two beach guard chairs and headed towards them. 

I seated myself in the one closer to me and stared into the water. It was clear and calm, and the stars were slightly reflected in it. With one word: it was beautiful.

I stared at the tent and the extinguished fire. It looked empty and lifeless. And just like an hour before it was so lively, warm, and happy... it almost didn't look like the same place.

I stayed there and stared at different things. From the pool, to the stars, to the cafeteria roof, and so on. Everything was silent, only the sound of the crickets could've been heard. I was even starting to get sleepy, until... 

"Cestria? Why are you here so late? I thought you are asleep?" The sound of my name leaving his mouth made shivers go down my spine

"I-ugh. I couldn't fall asleep. I decided to go out so I can calm down a bit..." I blurted out without even thinking

"Calm down? From what? What happened?" He sounded worried, but didn't he remember what happened? I just didn't want to think about it and move on, because I felt a bit offended by this, even though I didn't think he did it on purpose

I was silent for a while before I spoke up again; "And why are you here? I thought you were going to bed too?"

He lowered his head and took his seat next to me

"Same as you I guess," He said blankly and when I looked at his face, it looked emotionless

We didn't look at each other. Just stared at the pool for a while, before I heard his voice again:

"I really shouldn't have sung that song" He blurted out and again lowered his head, then closed his eyes

"But why? I think it was beautiful" I assured him and he shook his head

"Maybe it is," he took a deep breath "But it unlocked some emotions in me. Emotions I knew I was holding back, and did it on purpose. But now when I let them out, I think there is no going back" Then he looked in my eyes and I saw it. His eyes were red and swollen. He was an emotional mess and I hoped I could fix it

"This song... It wasn't written for you, originally" He looked at the sky and shook his head again "It was for Magdalena" he didn't look down and I saw the tears roll down his cheeks "But when she," he sniffled "when she did that to me," he sniffled again and I wanted to hug him so badly. But I watched his hand form into a fist and decided to let him cry his emotions out.

"When she did that to me, I immediately realized it belonged to somebody else. I don't know who it is. I don't know if it's you. The only thing I know is," he looked into my eyes "That you're the only one that makes me feel better these days. You make me forget about her from time to time. It really is great, and I'm so thankful to you." He smiled and I finally dared to hug him

"There's no problem, you know. You make me feel in a similar way," I assured him and felt his smile growing wider under my shoulder.

"But there's one thing that bothers me," he looked down again "What is it going to feel like when you leave?" 

"Let's not think about this" I suggested and he just dug deeper into my hug. 

I didn't want to think about this. Because really, what is going to happen? I just broke up with my shitty ex, I was... feeling things about the owner of a place so elite, that I may never come here again... and then, I just graduated and have no job to live on, and no place to stay in. When I go back it's gonna be a mess...

"Hey, what are you thinking?" he poked me on the shoulder and I just shook my head a bit

"Nothing, just... Can we talk about it tomorrow? I need a break from thinking about bad things, and I think you do too" I patted his back and he nodded

"So you wanna go to bed?"

"Yeah, I think so," I half asked "But for real this time"

We both giggled and pulled away

We looked at each other's goofy smiley faces and nobody said a word

"It was nice talking to you," he said

"To you too" I assured and his smile grew wider

"Good night, Cess" he said and kissed my forehead, which immediately made me blush. This man had some specific effect on me

"Good night to you too, Michael" I kissed him back and we both headed towards bed