𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 ✦ 𝑘. 𝑦𝑢𝑔𝑦𝑒𝑜𝑚 (𝑎𝑚𝑏𝑤)

【열 둘】

•• ━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━ ••
Twelve | Yugyeom

Everything that followed that fateful night was hardly any different than what I had recently overcome with her. No communication, sleeping in different parts of the city, dancing around each other without an ounce of rhythm or joy.

We coexisted peacefully, but war was on the prowl.

•• 2014 ••

Every second, a gaze was stolen.

Every minute, a heart was re-broken.

It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, for I had long convinced myself that I'd be well-enough without her. But to my disappointment, I came to realize that was no longer a possibility.

My heart belonged to her.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks to months before I gathered the courage to try to clean up the mess I made of us. I trotted down the hallway with a million words swarming in my head, not knowing what I would say, nor how I would say it. But when I entered the guest room to see she had been placing her things in boxes, I knew I had to figure something out before it was too late.

I often found myself envisioning this situation— what it would be like to see her go, to watch her leave the life we built around one another. It often ended with me in emotional shambles, vowing not to revisit the notion again.

Yet, here and now, there was nowhere to hide. I was to face this head-on, or I'd be alone. Forever.

For the first time since our downward spiral began, I got emotional. Finally able to snap out of the numbness that haunted me day-in and day-out, I threw my pride aside and fell to my knees, begging for second chance. And, if that was too bold of a request, I pleaded for an opportunity to try to clear the slander I had placed to my own name.

And by the grace of God, or whatever entity ruled the upper world, she allowed it. Without a word, she sat, patiently awaiting whatever I had to say. Her eyes avoided the general vicinity of my direction, her body language understandably cold and uninviting. If this were the last I were to ever see her again, I at least wanted her to know the truth.

And so I came clean, leaving no stone unturned as I laid myself bare for her to feast her eyes on.

I explained to her the reason behind my indiscretions, my fears, and complexities. I told her I loved her and that I knew better than anyone else how undeserving I proved to be of her time and effort.

She listened intently as I pushed through ugly tears and emotions, feeling both suffocated and freed from the amount of vulnerability I was displaying. It was a first, and it was highly uncomfortable, but for her, I would do anything and everything it took.

When I finally felt like there was nothing left to say— nothing else I could possibly verbalize to aid me in getting my true feelings across, I sat on my knees, breathing deeply as I let her take it all in.

After what felt like forever, she spoke up, her gentle voice alone enough to bring me out of my self-deprecating thoughts.