Many say that when you don't know you have the world before you, you scour for it in futile beings and nonsensical locations.
And yes. In my defense, I could express that lure is innate. That when you've long been amongst one, you'll ultimately stray to another. Certainly, I could note that when the light has shone so radiantly on you for so long, it's common to become sightless of it. In some spew of idiotic vulgarity, I could even go on about how it is in man's nature to take things for granted, as his ego and pride will inevitably make him unsightly and drive him to see double.
But the man I am today si-
As the familiar feeling of dissatisfaction and dread wash over me, my fingers halt their frivolous pursuit, leaving me to stare unseeingly at the last few words of my emotional outpour. I allow myself to bask in my moment of ease; to take in the serene respite and use it to assemble something better.
Seconds turn into minutes.
Minutes span into hours and hours become days.
Time brushes past me until I am ultimately left with the ghost of my long exited inducement. Still, I wait. I wait and wait until something-- anything comes to mind. But nothing arrives. It is for the sixth time in a month that I am left without anything meaningful to recite to my bride.
It's a nightmare of its own, but the mere thought of all time leaving me stranded amid my unfulfilled commitments push me to shudder in affliction.
If I hadn't made a promise to stop taking out my frustrations on myself, I would have long pinched or slapped myself by now. But by the mere realization that I am not even warranted my usual self-deprecating coping tactics, I deflate; utterly annoyed and thoroughly defeated.
Why was she marrying me, again?
As my eyes become weighted, a sudden, loud bark has me jolting awake.
It is only the third love of my life that I have to behold, adorned in soft raven fur and everlasting giddiness.
Oh, to be a small pomeranian, I brooded bitterly, It must be so freeing.
"Dalkyumie," I coo, reaching to grab him. As always, he yips back and licks my face, his affections never limited in their supply. "Are you hungry?"
It's a question I already know the answer to.
As he barks again and begins panting, I rise from my desk and half-heartedly reach out to slam my laptop shut. As I begin making headway toward the kitchen, I stop and turn to pass the small device one last woeful glance.
Deeming it pointless, I continued my journey toward the kitchen, knowing (read: hoping) the words would reach me eventually.
There were two things I had always been sure of.
The first being that aliens existed.
I had been so sure that I would passionately combat anyone who dared to disagree. I had lost many friends and potential lovers to this notion as the prospect that someone so close to me could be so doubtful of something so undeniably true was vastly too much for twenty-year-old me to endure.
It had been over half of a decade and still, I refused to accept anything different.
Sue me.
The second thing that I had always been sure of was that I would never enter marriage. Once upon a time, I had no one in my life who I could imagine being with so eternally. Even when I was a raging cynic with my heart in my hands, I had known matrimony was not something to be taken lightly. As it was the bothersome cherry on top of life, the last resort, and the end-all-be-all to most unions, I knew it had to end in disaster.
So, I avoided it.
I resented it.
Simply because it existed, and because it had the grave power to arise insecurities among the most assured people, it quickly became a pill I was never ready to swallow no matter how much water I consumed.
I simply could not bear the thought.
And even now, as my soul sings at the very thought of her, to say that the thought of tying myself to someone for the rest of my life didn't scare me in the slightest would be the biggest falsehood.
Still, fear be damned, I knew this was something I wanted to do. And that she was someone I wanted to do this with. So I squared my shoulders and set out to create an ode that put every favored author to shame, all past apprehensions and dread forced aside.
Because in the end, I knew that only the passion we shared would matter.
No one else.
Just me.
Just her.
Just us.
••●••
A/N:
I would like to thank everyone who made it this far. You are the reason I have the strength to continue my authorly pursuit. So thank you. ❤️
I look forward to publishing the final chapter soon :)
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