My family (Sarah Paulson)

can i leave..

It's now five days after I died..well the accident. In the five days I found out that sarah, cate and Sandra didn't knew that I died. So oops my fault. In this days some people came. Lily came with her kids and they had a present for me. That was sweet of them. They gave me an rosegold bracelet. Then Amanda and her kids came. They brought me some flowers and some candy. Then I met Leslie Grossman. Another friend of sarah. Leslie was really nice to me. She didn't knew me, but even then she brought me flowers and McDonald's. Leslie is now my favourite of Sarah's friends. I mean she gave me food. Of course sandy and cate came. The kids of them too. Sarah literally lived with me in the hospital. She had took some things from her and me. Brought them to my hospital room. Sarah had a second bed in my hospital room, but she slept with me in a bed. She said she gonna sleep next to me because if something bad happens with me, like I get scared or I gonna die again. Then she's gonna be next to me.
I know it's nice and kinda sweet, but i still need some space. Sarah still somehow felt that I need space so she slept last night in her bed and i kinda felt then alone. Really lonely. Oh and winnie. Little dog winnie. Little girl winnie. She's at the hospital sometimes too. Winnie slept last night here with us. The other nights she was at Amanda's. Tomorrow or today Holland should come. I don't know, but I'm kinda excited and scared. Like what if she doesn't want me anymore. But this is not right. Like sarah said before, it was Holland's idea. AND Holland texted the last three days always. She wrote things like 'good night', 'hope youre felling better' and 'see you soon'. Of course 'good morning'. She called me, when she had time. But the cutest thing is she calls me 'honey','sweetheart' or 'small sarah'. Even when sarah is not my biological mother. We kinda look the same. We have the same hair colour. Only she has a brown/blond mix and i only have brown/orange/blond mix hair. Well the blond is really not to see. We both have brown eyes. And...that's it actually. So look-like we're not. But still it's sweet to know that Holland things I look like sarah. Sarah actually things that I look like winnie. She ALWAYS says it. Like she's a dog and black. I'm a human and I do NOT have black hair. But she says it as a joke. Oh jokes yeah. Sarah tells many jokes. They are actually funny. Because they don't make any sense.

I woke up today at 6am. I mean i cant sleep. Its VERY uncomfortable, with some needles in the arms and a broken leg. Its now 8am, so i woke up two hours ago. I had winnie on my bed, because i didn't want her to sleep on the cold hospital floor. Winnie is sleeping on my chest. No really on my chest because shes so small. I'm reading 'where did you go Bernadette'. I could have watched the movie, but I kinda wanted to read. The book is like the movie good, really good. The five days I only wore the hospital thing they gave me. Like I said not good in that stuff. Arizona came sometimes and another doctors. They told me some shit that I didn't understand. Like Hello I'm only 14 and i never heard of stuff like that. Y3ah I watch Greys anatomy but still, I don't remember a thing of doctor things. Arizona told me that I can leave soon.

Winnie started to wake up. And when she saw me she immediately rubbed her face in my face. She did it often. I don't know why, it felt weird but it's cute too. My mom had an interview yesterday at ellen. She didn't want to leave but I said to her I'm fine. But still she didn't went home.

*flashback*

^Mom go, you have an interview^ she had an interview at ellen, but didn't want to leave. She's to concerned.
^no I gonna stay. What if..^I cut her off.
^no. Nothing is gonna happen. I'm fine. Look^ I moved my arms and my not broken leg.
^lisa^
^mom^
^I ...gonna...stay...here^ she said every word slow. And I copied it.
^no..you...have...to...go...to...your...interview^
^no. No I'm staying. I can do it per facetime^
^Mom. Just g..^
^shush I'm staying^
I didn't want to discuss more so I just kept quite. Well ellen scared her and I needed to laugh. I laughed so hard that I cried. Ellen even asked who it was but she said it was a friends daughter. She just didn't want me to be in public now. Maybe after I met Holland.

*end of flashback*

She just couldn't go. But hey, she got scared two times. And both times I cried because I laughed to much.

*knock knock*

Someone was at the door. Probably a nurse with disgusting hospital food.
^come in^ I tried to be as quiet I could. The door opened and I saw cate and Sandy coming in. They smiled at me I told them that sarah is still sleeping so they were quite. We talked for some time. We talked about nothing. Sometimes sandy had to shush me and cate. We just were to loud. Sarah woke up at 11:00am. She looked first confused. I don't know why but probabily because I talked with someone. Cate and Sandy were somehow hidden. Cate next to me on my bed and on the chair Sandy. The day was first boring bit after cate and Sandy came not so much. We talked,laughed and ate. Cate told me about Edith. That she's missing me and some other things. Sandy told me that Laila is doing something for me and that both of her kids want to see me and some other things.
The day went by fast. Not the best and not the worst day in my life.
Today sarah slept next to me in my bed. We cuddled and watched some movies. After movie three I fall asleep with my head on her chest.

*next day*

^waky-waky^ sarah stoke my hair. I opened my eyes and saw her smiling at me I yawned and looked to my side to see Holland smiling at me. I returned the smile.
^good morning, sweetheart ^ Holland said coming next to us.
^good morning. What time is it^
^10^ oh God why does all people and dogs need to wake me so early. I growled and closed my eyes again. I then heard sarah and Holland laughing.
^hon, you need to wake up. We talked with Arizona and^ ohhhh why did you stop talking. I hate it when people do it. Like just tell me the news. I can get pissed really fast.
^and..?^ I asked excited and tried not to be pissed.
^and you can leave today. She said after you're checked up^
I just smiled big. I can leave
And go back home. Normal food. Ohhhh how good normal food is.
We had some time before I can leave. Holland told us about her trip to Australia. We talked some more about everything and sarah started to pack the things. She had put some stuff around the room. She said 'so the room doesn't look so much like an hospital room and I don't wanna take the things out of the bag and then again in'. It doesn't make any sense since she now needs to pack all things again. But hey It's sarah.
At 14:00 Arizona came made an check up and we only had to sign a paper and we could leave. After signing we went to the car. Since I have still the broken leg I was in a wheelchair. They gave me some crutches so I can walk around. More like jump. The drive home was relaxing. Sarah and Holland in the front talking about who take some when to work. I didn't heard all of it because I put my headphones on and heard some music. I can't remember to fall asleep. But I felt sarah stroking my hair. I opened my eyes and saw we were back home. Sarah helped me in and I sat on the couch. The day was good. The rest of the day we talked, ate and laughed. Now it's like 8pm. Me, Holland and winnie are on the couch cuddling and watching a movie. Sarah is at the dinner table talking to her live on instagram.
^Holland likes gin, right hollamd^
^yeah, I love gin^ I laughed and just cuddled more up to holland. Sarah then came to us, still live and talked with us and with the live. Sarah then talked with some fans she choose to talk. I then yawned and sarah said.
^baby girl, are you tired^
I only nodded my head. Sarah and Holland both smiled. Then they both stood up and helped me up the stairs. Sarah had one hand around my waist and the other hand she had her phone still live. They both brought me in my room I did my night routine. Laid down in my bed. Holland gave me a kiss on my forehead and said.
^night, hon. Sleep well. If you need something just scream our name okay^ I only nod again.
Then Holland went down stairs to put the TV off.
Sarah laid next to me in my bed my head on her chest, one hand on her stomach. Sarah kissed my head, said good night and just laid there, still live on instagram. Talking and sometimes she said some sweet nothings to me. And that's how I fell asleep for the next days.

Mom and momma by my side everything was right how I wanted it.
I feel so lucky and happy to have met these two woman.
I love them.
_____________________
Sorry gays that I didn't upload anything.
I had hard weeks. I had quarantine (4 kids from my class had corona) and after that my sister had birthday. I had to do online school again. It was stressful sometimes, so I didn't had time to write anything. I gonna try to update more. I'm not quite sure how often I gonna update since in two days I have again school (I'm then out of quarantine). I try my best.
Luv ya ~L