After Afterall

2

I pull off my scrub cap and ball it in my hands. I scrub out quickly and leave before anyone can join me in the scrub room. I wall down the hallway and everything feels tilted. The surgery took only two hours, remarkably fast for such dramatic internal damage. I was naïve to think the wound wouldn't be bad, but as soon as I opened him up, I could see the bullet had fragmented. One piece flush against his stomach, another skirting behind his ribs, and a third just floating, which was the hardest to get.

But I did get it. I got all of it.

I need a minute before I face his family, so I walk into an on-call room and shut the door tightly behind me. I take a deep breath and on the exhale, my breath is shaky and weak. I take another breath and I feel myself growing hysterical. With the third breath I begin to cry. I push my scrub cap against my mouth and muffle the sobs. I need to keep it mostly together, but I also need a minute to completely lose my shit.

After that minute, I check myself in the mirror and I look a mess, but good enough to show my face. I take a cleansing breath and head to the waiting room. The Shepherd family has been placed in their own space, a small conference room off the waiting room. SSA Toby stands guard outside the door. He lets me past.

Inside the room are five women, one older and four younger, presumably her daughters. They all have dark hair like the President. All five women stand. They look tired and nervous. "I'm Doctor Grey. I operated on the President."

"Is Derek okay?" The youngest-looking asks.

"Yes, Derek is okay."

All five women burst into laughter and wails of happiness. They all hug me at once. It's hard to hug five people at the same time. I realize for the first time I have no idea what actually happened, how he was shot, when, but I know his family saw it. They've been terrified for nearly three hours.

His mother holds me longer than the other women. "Is he going to be okay? Is there any permanent damage?"

"Not that I can see, but we will be keeping an eye on him. He'll be staying here for a least a few days. I'd like him to stay for at least a week, but I'm not sure the Secret Service will like that." I eye the corner of the room where an agent stands. "The recovery won't be fast and it won't be easy. But he will be fine."

His mother hugs me again. "Thank you Doctor Grey."

"You can call me Meredith."

She nods and holds out her hand, "I'm Carolyn. And these are my daughters Kate, Nancy, Lizzie, and Amelia. We," her voice breaks. "We were there."

"He's going to be okay. You can see him for a minute if you want to. He's in the ICU, so it really can only be a minute, but I'm happy to take you there. And then if you like, I can have some on-call rooms set aside and you can sleep here. It's comfortable enough."

Carolyn steps forward. "Yes, I need to see him."

I lead the Shepherd women down the hallway through the quiet ICU. It's the middle of the afternoon, but it feels like the middle of the night. The Secret Service is guarding the floor and there are only a few doctors and nurses walking around. I see Alex at the end of the hall and he shoots me a look. I nod, letting him know I succeeded, and he looks relieved.

Outside the President's room is SSA Grant and another agent. I pause at the door. "The President is still sedated and won't be awake for a few hours at least. He is breathing on his own, but he is hooked up to a heart monitor and other wires. I don't want you to be alarmed."

"We understand. We're all doctors," I believe it's Kate who says this.

"You are?"

Carolyn laughs a little. "I raised five very ambitious children."