After Afterall

25

"Okay, go over it again."

"Alright. Kate is the oldest. She's married to Dave, the lawyer. They have six kids. In order: Brandon, Caleb, Renee, Sadie, Alice, and Jenny. Nancy is divorced, but her boyfriend Henry is coming. Nancy's kids are Allison, Anna, Anthony, and Abigail. Then there's Lizzie with two and two. Her kids are Jacob, Savannah, Rosalie, and Max. And Lizzie is married to Brian; he's also a doctor. And then Amelia. Single, no kids, so that one should be easy."

I stare at Derek and give him a few long blinks before I lay back onto the mattress and stare at the ceiling. "This is impossible."

He chuckles and sits down beside me. "All you need to remember are my sisters. And my mom. The kids, well, it really is impossible. I think you'll figure out the husbands and boyfriend quickly enough. They all seem to be glued to one another."

"Why do they have to have so many children?"

"They like kids."

For a second I go insane. I know I do because what I ask next is so not me. I'm not the kind of person to rush a relationship, especially a complicated one that has barely touched the three month mark. No, I'm not that person. But for some crazy reason, I hit the gas and ask, "Do you like kids? I mean, do you want any of your own?"

As if the idea of asking Derek about children isn't horrifying enough, I had to ask him as if I was asking if he wanted a piece of pie of his very own.

I sit up quickly. Too quickly. Quickly enough so that Derek doesn't have time to answer.

"Ignore me," I tell him, not even brave enough to look him in the eyes.

Before Derek can say anything, I stand up and walk into the bathroom. I don't shut the door behind me because honestly I think we're both going to try and forget anything just happened, but as I lean into the mirror, trying to pretend to touch up my makeup, I notice Derek leaning against the door in the corner of my eye.

I stand up straight and look at him.

"You're as white as a ghost."

"Yeah. I need sun. Let's go. We should go outside." I walk towards him and try to push past him, but Derek clearly is going to make us have this conversation.

"Why are you freaking out?"

"I'm not. I'm fine."

His eyebrow shoots up.

I sigh and look at my feet. "Don't make me say it."

Derek laughs and runs his one hand down my bare arm. "Meredith, you can ask me anything, you know that." I meet his eyes which are warm and kind. "To answer your question: yes, I want children. I don't want a million like my sisters, but one or two would be nice. And in the vein of honesty, I'm not getting any younger, so I'd want them pretty soon."

"I'm not sure if I want kids," I admit.

Derek nods. "I understand. I'm not asking to impregnate you today," he teases with a slight smile. "Our relationship is new. We don't need to decide today."

"Do you ever feel like we're moving really fast? I mean, I've never met anyone's family before and yeah, I've met them before, but this feels big."

"It is big," Derek says confidently. "And maybe it's fast, but does that make you uncomfortable?"

"No," I say just as confidently.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing, I guess."

Derek flashes me a grin and holds out his hand for me to take. "Come on. Let's get this over with."

We have about a half an hour downstairs with Carolyn before the sisters and their families show up. It's nice to have some quiet time with Carolyn, especially since she genuinely seems to like me. Derek has to make a quick call, so he sneaks off. Carolyn and I sit on the back porch overlooking the ocean.