Best kept secret | Spencer Reid

But you're my best friend

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Fuck that. No, not happening.

I laugh, I actually laugh because she's kidding, right?

Because the only explanation to this is that she's kidding, there's no way that this is actually happening right now.

Then why isn't she laughing?

I blink. "Averie, that's not funny."

Her voice hasn't left a whisper since she stepped in the door, "I'm not joking,"

My hands that were wrapped around her fall loose at my sides and my eyes flutter shut. I pinch myself because I want to wake up and see that this is all a dream, or my worst nightmare. But when I open my eyes again, she's still standing in front of me with the same pained expression written across her face.

"I think it's best.." She swallows harshly with a slight nod, as if she's trying to convince herself too. "For both of us."

"Best for both of us?" I scoff, "Like hell it is."

Breaking up is clearly the last thing I want, the ring hidden on my coffee table is a clear indication of that.

My eyes desperately search behind her's, frantically looking for any indication of why she's saying this right now. But for the first time, I actually can't read her.

My voice wavers, "Are you not happy?"

"You make me so happy," Her chin wobbles and she sinks her teeth into it when she lifts her eyes to the ceiling. "But it's not you, it's m—"

"Don't," I hold my hand up, shooting her a look. "Do not say this is you, this isn't you."

Does she really expect me to believe that the same girl that was arguing with me over tile patterns for our house yesterday, wants to walk way like this was nothing?

Like we were nothing?

Her glassy eyes blink rapidly, biting the inside of her cheek. "This is what I want."

"You don't mean that," My stomach twists into knots and I whisper, "Why?"

"It's.. it's.. we're moving to fast." She says quietly, but I don't miss the way her hand subtly clenches into a fist and her face scrunches, like it hurts to say.

And honestly it hurts to hear, I thought we were on the same page, I thought that she wanted all of the things we've been talking about. Moving in, marriage, kids.. spending our lives together.

I didn't imagine the way she looks at me too, did I?

My heart sinks. "Did I pressure you into all of this?"

"You didn't Spence," Her bloodshot eyes meet mine before she averts them to the ground again, muttering under her breath. "But it's all too much."

"Then we'll stop," I reach for her and grab her hands, lacing our fingers together and squeezing. "You can set the pace on us until you're ready."

And when she turns her face away from me, grip loosening on my hands when she pulls them from mine, another piece of my heart shatters.

"I need space, Spence."

"I'll give you space," Feeling defeated my shoulders slump, voice lowering. "I'll give you anything you want just please don't do this. Do you want us to take a break?"

A break is the last thing I want and it scares me more than anything right now, but I'd rather we do that than risk not having anything left to fix.

Fix.