Beg ✟ h.s. au (M)

n i n e t e e n

"Fuck babe, you feel so good."

The days were moving incredibly slow as the school year progressed onto May. Summer break was peaking its head around the corner making us all anxious for the release of school. Not only that but prom was coming closer with each passing day.

Now I myself was never too into prom. What I was normally interested in was the afterparties, the booze, and the horny teens. It was the night where you could dress like a lady, yet act like a whore that of which I had no problem doing.

The one thing that normally would defer me from the thought of prom was always the dating aspect of it. The corsages, the promposal, the color sequencing- just not my thing.

But although this normally was never a problem of mine, I couldn't help but think of a certain curly-haired boy wanting to ask a certain question. He knows that what we are is nothing but hookups and bj's, but I can't help but feel like he's becoming attached.

I would be lying to myself though if I said that what I have with Harry meant nothing more than ruining a pure man's innocence. Something about this sinful saint had taken over me, which only terrifies me to no end. The way he's found his way into my daily thoughts. The way he has found a way to form somewhat of a friendship between the two of us in this strange relationship we shared.

Not only did he find his way into my life, but into my every action. I constantly found myself second-guessing every movement I made, every question I answered and took Harry into consideration. I refused to let myself sit and wonder why I cared so much, why I found myself doing things so completely out of my characteristics for this boy I've known for a month at most. The further these feelings, these actions produced, I simply chose to blame them on my want for him. The pure lust we've created. The fire we've ignited in each other seems to be effortlessly inextinguishable.

The thing that terrifies me the most is the awakening he's caused me. The way my stomach starts to flip at the thought of him pushing back stray hairs out of my face, or the way he so carefully caresses my skin while we kiss. The things that would normally leave me a hot and bothered mess now make me feel- dare I say it- giddy inside.

I couldn't begin to tell you why, nor how this has happened but it has, and just the pure thought of falling for someone makes my insides want to rid themselves of any contents in my stomach. Feelings are deceiving. They lie, they're nothing more than false hope, and long shots.

People like Harry, the pure good people in the world, don't fall for people like me. The people who will never amount to much and are all but broken inside. He uses me as I use him.

This is what I have become, what I have made for myself and I'm okay with that. I became who I am to escape the feelings that came with relationships. It's ironic that this is what it's turned to be when its all I've ever wanted to avoid.

"Stella?" His hand was placed on my cheek, my body sitting on the edge of my bed. He was next to mine, and from what I'm assuming he took notice of my dazed out sense of mind. His delicate touch on my cheek sent instant butterflies to my stomach that made me even more confused. "You alright? You don't seem very... you today."

"Yeah, um I'm fine. Tired is all." I reply looking into his emerald eyes. The pad of his thumb moving back and forth across my cheekbone. The silence was destroying me as it keeps reminding me of the stirring in my stomach and the heat through my veins whenever he was near me. 

He slowly brought his face closer to mine. I wished, pleaded that he would be selfish and initiate a want, a sexual need as that would cause these unwanted feelings to turn into those of lust. I wanted him to use me. I wanted him to use me for his sexual needs. And so when he placed his lips to the temple of my head and pulled away, something inside me lit. I swallowed the feeling down into the pit of my stomach and my eyes tightened.

He whispered that he had to leave, and claimed that he would text me later. I watched as he got up and left my room, leaving me with these feelings that I swore I would never encounter.

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hello there people

guys i feel like a big giant buttface for not updating in like 5eva, and i just a;flhdgalshg my life has been vverrrryyy downhill lately and i need to make sure all my shits in line and im sorry, i hope you guys can understand and be patient with me as i try to write for you guys as well..

just know that i love you all a lot, and all the support and love you guys give me is something I couldn't thank you guys enough for..

gosh i'm such a sap :') haha okay so questions from last chapter...

How old are you?
17 lol

Do you have any pets?
2 cats, 1 dog, and my sister just got a fish but I don't count them as pets idk

WHEN THEY GONNA DO THE DIRTY??????????????
Haha, I'm waiting for this one bc I want Harry to hold on to his religious morals for a little, but soon enough I promise <3

R u fuckin serious?
Ya I am morgan mmk

R u into anal by chance?
for you bby of course ;)))))

highlight this with a question & i'll answer it next chapter <3

and once again you guys are great, and don't forget it <3

all the lovexx

julia :**