Beg ✟ h.s. au (M)

t w e n t y - e i g h t

" You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart."

Harry's pov

Not many guys ever describe what their first time is like in an emotional aspect. Most claim that the sensation of getting off in the most primitive way is absolute mind shattering-which it was, don't get me wrong-but that's all you ever hear.

You never hear of this gentle touches, the soft moans that one hears with each slow thrust. The admiration you have when you look at the most bare aspect of your partner. The overwhelming trust you bestow in this person to have this raw connection with you.

There's so much more to sex than most adolescent boys lead on, and maybe it's the emotional connection you hold with that person, and granted I never thought I would have something so strong with Stella. But when I spent the countless nights awake, carefully planning how I would throw this information on her, it only made me realize how much I really wanted it to be her. How right it felt for her to take my virginity.

Sure, I was so inexperienced-hell she was my only experience. But something about treating her right, like shes something so much more than this promiscuous girl who "gets around".

I wanted to make her feel wanted. Make her feel important.

I wanted to make her feel loved.

Because- fuck, I've fallen in love with a girl who runs at the very thought of it.

I don't know what is going to become of us now. If I say the three words I feel I would only be running her away. And in all honesty, that's the last thing I would want.

I know she feels something towards me, and hell shes even being faithful to me. Faithful to us, and that's a huge step for what we are.

With the big baseball championships coming up within the next few weeks, I wanted to really be focused on baseball. But fuck did she make that hard.

Having someone constantly consume your thoughts is both a burden, and a blessing. The burden being more of the constant reminder that they're not with you than it is the actual consumption of thoughts.

If anyone had to invade my mind, I'd always pick her.

It's hard to stop thinking about our relationship. We took a big step in whatever we were, and strangely enough, I feel no regret for it.

I used to think that those who had sex before marriage were either weak, and didn't truly love their partner enough to wait. Or they had lost their faith.

I can certainly say that I have lost the strong connection I once had, but as I said I don't regret it.

I think I'm actually starting to think, and act for me for once and it's something completely invigorating. At almost 18 years of age and I'm finally trying to make my own actions.

Call it what you will, but to me, I shared my one special experience with someone I trusted, admired, and well, loved.

My fingers ran through the light locks of hair that laid on my chest. Her soft snores, and steady breathing only made my emotions further.

She was perfect.

She was a sinner, yet the self-purity of an angel. A fallen angel.

Her arm draped across my torso as she held onto me, close as if she needed me there.

And so long as she lets me, I will be.

///////

okay im sorry its so freakishly short :(
but like i felt bad af about noot updating so i just put this together really fast. a filler, but its got a lot of important insight into harry!!

so like i said this story is coming closer to ending guys!!! its kinda weird honestly thinking about it, but its still another 10-15 chapters.

i'm gonna work on another update tomorrow, because i need to put more drama into it!! ((intense drama within the like next couple of chapters wow))

seriously, you guys are gonna hate me hahahahahahahah *gulps*

q's from last chapterr:

Would you rather eat a whole jar of mayonnaise or a whole bottle of ketchup?
- ugh why would anyone do either blehh, but if i had to it'd probably be the ketchup because i can only do a little bit of mayo at a time haha

lol i really do love you all, and those of you who have been here from the very beginning & the ones who have reached out to me and have actually made friendships with you guys make everything so amazing i just want you to know.

i really do hope that I interact with you guys because i like to know about you guys.. we're all friends & i love you all!!

honestly idek if any of that made sense but im really tired so i'm gonna get to bed now.

again sorry for the short af chapter I apologize:/ #lameass

highlight here with a question & large amounts of money thx

hah, and a question for yall:

do you guys have anything exciting planned for this summer? I'm going to florida with my family out in august!!

love you all so so so so so oooo fucking much.

juliaxx