The Angel of Death (18+)

Chapter 11: Alone

I jolt awake, covered in damp sweat, making my clothes stick to my clammy skin. I look around frantically expecting to be in my parents room all over again, and then reel back my frantic panic and realize I am back in the present, back in the Night Court.

I calm down my rapid breaths, inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale. I keep repeating this until I feel more calm and like I can actually think. I look towards that open wall one again and see the morning sky is bright today. The city is still beautiful, but I can assume that Velaris was built to be viewed at night in all its glory. I swing my legs over the rumpled bed, and notice the pain has almost subsided completely.

I can smell food in the air which causes my stomach to grumble, I want to go get breakfast, but I don't want another repeat of last night. Anything but that. I sniffle once, and draw up my courage and walk out of my room and back down the hall. As I'm nearing the hall, I notice the library Feyre mentioned this time. I decided that breakfast can wait, and give more time for people to clear out.

I enter the library, and it smells like old books and forgotten stories. I trail my fingers down along the rows of books as I walk and stop in front of the unlit hearth. In front of the hearth, there are two chairs, I assume this is a place for escape and relaxation. I look around the shelves of books and find my favorite section. Romance and some... more intimate scenes involved. I look up and down the shelves, and pull out a random book, 'Evil Desires.'

"That's one of my favorites." I jump and almost drop the book, and look up at the source of the voice. I have not met this woman before, but I can tell by the hold of her chin that she is a mighty force, that very few would mess with. My kind of girl.

"So, you're the new girl." She says to me with such cold indifference.

"I am, I see you have good taste in books too." I give her just as much cold indifference and some more. She smiles at this.

"I'm Nesta, I have a feeling we'll get along," Nesta... one of Feyre's sisters if I remember correctly, pauses, "I was just in here for a book, which I now have. I'll be seeing you around." And she leaves.

I look at the book I'm holding, and decide to take it with me back to my room, and skip out on breakfast. My interaction with Nesta was enough for me to last the day, or possibly week. I keep my head down as I walk to my room, and just as I'm about to open my door, the one I remember as Azriel walks from the opposite side of the hall, he stops a good distance away.

"Are you not going to breakfast." His voice is very much the quiet kind, but not the sweet and quiet kind, the deadly quiet before a viper strikes. "Uhhh no. I'm not really hungry." I try to ignore the protests from my stomach at that. He thinks for a second, and then nods and goes on his way.

Well, okay then.

I go straight to my bed and quickly get under the covers. Just as I am about to turn open the book to start reading,

Clink.

A plate of pancakes and some more rolls like last night's appears on my nightstand out of nowhere. I quickly look around to see what might've done this, but find nothing. I slowly put down my book and reach towards the food, careful of any traps. I pick it up and bring it onto my lap and begin digging in. It doesn't take long for me to devour it all, but once I have licked the plate clean and set it back down on the nightstand, it suddenly disappears.

Now that is really weird.

I lay back down and begin to read my book, getting lost in the pages and words as the world passes me by. By the time I really look up for more than 2 seconds to glance out of the room, it's completely dark and the city is alive again. I probably already missed dinner if it's so late, so no harm in not going. But then again,

Clink.

I tell myself I'm not hungry and don't bother to grab the food that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. Even as I don't grab it, the food still does not disappear. So instead I ignore it.

Too tired to read some more, I put the book down next to my pillow. I stretch out against the aches of sitting too still for too long, except the ache in my back has never gone away and never will. I stretch my arm out across the bed, as if someone were there for me to stroke their hair, except no one is.

Alone.

That's what I am, and the thought is enough to break down all of my walls that have kept me together for so long, that I let the tears fill up and blur my vision, and fall down my cheeks. I taste the salt of them on my lips, but don't bother to brush them away. Instead I let them soak the pillow my head is resting upon, and let my eyes drift shut to block out just how alone I am.

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"Mara? Are you in there- well obviously you're in there, I meant are you awake?" Feyre's voice is muffled through the door.

I groan as I get up out of my comfortable bed and my feet pad softly against the floors, I just noticed that they're marble. I open the door and see Feyre beaming from ear to ear.

"What's got you so happy?" I mumble while still in the process of waking up.

"I thought I'd offer you the ability to train, either with me or with any of the guys. However I'd advise against Lorcan, he's always very grumpy."

"Uhmmm, I'm really not sure. I already have training but I appreciate the offer." I respond and begin to close the door, but a foot pops between the door and doorway and says, "Please, we think it would help-"

"What do you mean help? I don't need help. There is nothing to help." I growl maybe too harshly, but I don't care. How dare she make assumptions when she knows absolutely nothing about me. "I didn't mean to make you upset, I'm sorry. I just noticed that it might help you vent. It did when I needed it."

"It's still a no." And slam the door on her. Well now I did need to vent, and then I felt my power coming up, letting me know it's there and wants to be used. I hated whenever I could feel it, it made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

Maybe something was wrong with me.

It's still dark out, but I can see hints of orange and red starting to come up. It must almost be dawn. I just want to be free, free of my body, this world, this pain. I'm not going to let anyone ever see me train, better they don't know and be surprised when the times comes if needed.

The power still hasn't faded from me yet, to be honest, I never really knew how or was taught how to use it. I don't even know how to describe what it is and what it does. I've used it only once, and the one time was enough to make me never want to again. I lost my wings that same day, "For my own good," they said.

I didn't even realize that I had walked over to the open wall and started staring at the city, I wonder how wonderful it would've felt to glide over the city with the air under my wings again. But it's all I can do, only wonder.

On that depressing note, I walk back over to the bed and saw both my food and book were gone from where I last saw them. I wasn't angry about the food being gone, but I was about the book. Too frustrated and groggy in my head I lay back down and shut my eyes. I wish I could shut my mind off too for I can't stop the thoughts from overpowering me,

You are alone,

No one loves you,

No one ever will, because they will fear what you truly are.

Let death come claim me.

But instead, only the sleep does.