The Angel of Death (18+)

Chapter 22: Silence of an Outburst

***TW: This chapter contains SH***

"No we have to go back and fix this, there's supposed to be two beds." I tell him.

He's only grinning more and more, he is delighted at my hesitation. Of course he is.

He walks in, and lays down our small amount of supplies on the bed that is barely big enough for the both of us. I look around the rest of the room, spotting another too small dresser beside it, a walkway into an even smaller bathroom and then I look back at that damn bed.

"Trust me, I looked for a room with more than one bed and this was the only one available, angel. We're just going to have to deal with it for now. Don't worry, I don't bite." He tries to catch my gaze, but I'm so lost in my head that I don't care.

I still remember every exact detail of what happened, and I just don't know if I can handle being next to let alone even sleeping next to a man. But again, Lorcan's always seemed to be an exception to this rule, but it was never anything major, I'm terrified because what if-

"Hey.." Lorcan's lifting my chin up with his finger forcing me to look at him, when did he even get so close?

I flinch away and leave the room hastily down into the bar room not bothering to look back. It's not like he would ever look back for me anyways. I go straight to the bar, and ask the barkeep for his strongest liquor, there's got to be a way to get through this, whether it be suffering free or not.

Alcohol seems to work for everyone else, why wouldn't it for me?

He hands me a large stained bottle of what looks like whiskey, I down it and feel it burn my throat as it sloshes down it. Here's to a long night. I chug some more as I take a seat on a rickety wooden chair, keeping my eyes pinned onto a grain of wood.

It looks like it could be oak, maybe even some light pine that was cut down young, before it could grow to maturity.

Just like me.

Where'd that thought come from? It doesn't matter, I only chug more and more until I go for another when I realize the bottle is empty. I look for the barkeep who's nowhere to be seen among the crowds of unruly men accompanied by woman wearing very revealing outfits. I envy them for their confidence and then remember, I shouldn't because they have to deal with men in the first place.

A stomp down the stairs I know all too well nears me, I don't bother looking up. I only want to get lost in the feeling of euphoria the whiskey is bringing me. I look again once more for the stubby man, and when I can't find him, I lean over the counter and grab the first thing my fingers grasp. I lift the bottle up to my lips without haste, not bothering to even see what it is when a large, calloused hand grabs it out of my hand.

"Hey!" I shout at the stupid man.

"Mara, enough. I'll sleep on the floor, just please stop this." I hesitate at the word "please." Except that's it, I only hesitate and grab the bottle again, catching this time the liquid is clear and reeks strongly.

Vodka it is.

He exhales heavily, seeming torn between two things I couldn't care less about. He sits down next to me, and I snap.

"No! I have enough shit to worry about Lorcan! So forgive me if I don't feel like bowing down to what you want for telling me to 'get over it.' Let me be, hell let me even kill myself. Just leave me alone!" My voice cracks apart at the last part. The look in his eyes is something I've seen only once before, the time in the library when I told him vaguely of what happened to me.