On Top//Topper Thornton

thirty three

I sit in front of a laptop with my family. Dad recorded a message for us before he died.

"A great man once said that if you're born poor, that's not your fault, but if you die poor, well, that's on you. I think, in the end, it was my fear of going back, of losing everything I have that made me lose sight of everything I am... everything I wanted to be. I killed Big John Routledge. I murdered Sheriff Peterkin. I shot Gavin Barnstead. I know there's nothing I can do to ease the pain I've caused. Many will say I took the easy way out. But I leave this world with the terrible pain of knowing that I leave behind my family, shattered by grief, broken by my sins. I don't expect you to forgive me for leaving you this way. I just pray you understand that... I can't go on ruining your lives anymore. This had to end. To all of you, I leave my estate, uh, to be divided equally, and I leave a love deeper than I could ever express. Take care of each other."

Wheezie sniffles as she stands up and walks away. Sarah slams the laptop shut as she holds back tears. Rafe and Rose leave. It's just Sarah and I.

"I need to see John B," Sarah tells me.

I nod my head. "I'm going to head off to see Topper."

Sarah and I grab our bikes and start out of Tannyhill.

"Ash. Sarah. Hey, wait." Rafe is running after us. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Slow down." He grabs my shoulder.

I get off of my bike and throw it to the ground. "You touch me one more freaking time!" I push him away from me.

"We can't keep ignoring each other. Dad would want us to talk," Rafe says.

"When I tell you you are the last person I want to talk to, I mean it, Rafe," I state.

"I know you hate me. I know you hate me..." Rafe starts.

I cut him off, "You tried to kill both of us, Rafe."

"I know. I know, I know." Rafe puts his head in his hands. "I know, Ash. I just..." Sarah and I start to pedal off. "Please. No, Ash, Sarah."

"Jeez," Sarah remarks.

"Please! Sarah, Ash, please don't leave, okay?" Rafe begs. Sarah sighs as she stops. "Dad's gone. And now, it's just... it's you, me, and Wheezie."

"What's the point, Rafe?" Sarah asks.

"I know. I know... I know what I did, okay? But listen, um... I was only trying to do right by Dad, okay? Everything I... Everything I ever did was trying to help him, okay? And you heard... you heard the recording. He said we should... we should stay together as a family. It was his dying wish, and he's gone. And I swear I'm gonna do what I can to make that happen. I know I can't... I can't change the past, but I'm gonna be different now. I'm sorry," Rafe tells us before walking back to the house.

I head to Topper's house. He pulls me into a tight hug as soon as he sees me. I start to cry immediately.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that," Topper tells me.

"Can I stay again?" I ask.

"Of course you can. I'm gonna be here for you, Ash, whatever you need," Topper tells me. "You can stay as long as you need. Okay?"

I nod my head. "Thank you. I just can't go home."

"I just can't imagine what you're going through," Topper says.

I sit on the edge of Topper's bed. "I just can't believe he's gone."

Topper sits down beside me. "Look, Ward wasn't, you know, perfect by any means, but, um... you know, he... he was still your dad. I think it's... it's probably hard to be just simple and happy now."