hopeless | jean kirstein

26 | just normal

Burying his face into the sheets of his mattress, Jean swore he could've done anything at that moment just to make his brain stop working. It seemed like an odd thing to wish for, especially when he currently lived in a world where everyone strived to be better, smarter, but the way countless thoughts stormed his mind every damn second for the past week was enough to have him going crazy.

And it didn't help that those thoughts mostly consisted of what happened on that day, and the girl who had been with him. Thoughts of how happy he felt in that moment, of the feeling of her lips against his being everything he's ever wanted, of the way he'd become such a blushing mess every time he'd think about it, and how badly he wanted to do it again.

He smacked himself on the head just for that, appalled at himself for even coming up with that. He screamed into his pillow out of frustration, the boy just wanting to know whatever the hell was going on with him. Or maybe I don't want to know.

Because things weren't going too well for him. Because after that damned kiss, he was definitely starting to see Taryn very, very differently.

Like on Monday, the day after the coronation. He stayed inside their dorm the whole afternoon, planning to do who knows what, when he caught a glimpse of her outside from the window. He didn't know what had gotten into him, but the next thing he knew was that he was standing there for thirty minutes, just staring at her. It wasn't until she turned to look in his direction and spotted him did he snap out of his trance, immediately moving to hide.

Tuesday. He finally got the guts to go out, and he had slowly been making his way down the hallways to the mess hall, planning to have lunch. Still not having the courage to face her, however, he chose to sit next to Eren, much to the brunette's dismay. Even so, he found that his eyes kept wandering over to her table.

And Wednesday. He was once again inside their dorm and on his bed, having a crisis. He would try again and again to distract himself, from playing card games with whoever was available to counting the cracks and dents in the ceiling, yet his mind didn't seem capable of thinking about anything but Taryn.

It was as if that kiss left a permanent reminder of her ingrained within his brain, like a poison so intoxicating, taking over his thoughts, his feelings, his life. It didn't even feel like his body was his own anymore.

And shit, he was thinking about her again. Feeling frustrated, he let out another scream and felt another pillow hit his back, rather aggressively, he might add. Immediately, he sat upright to scold the person who dared to disturb him, but instead he was met with Eren's irritated face and wide eyes, glaring daggers at him from across the room.

"Will you stop screaming like a damn girl?" The brunette yelled at him. "I'm trying to read here!"

Jean thrust the pillow back at him, hitting Eren right in the face which caused the book he was holding in his hands to fall to the ground. "Shut up, this is my room! Go to the library if you want some oh-so-precious peace and silence, blockhead!"

The boy sent the pillow flying back to Jean again, ruining his hairstyle which instantly caused him to be irritated. "This is my room too! And you shut up—"

"The both of you shut up!" Connie burst out all of a sudden, causing the two of them to go quiet, resolving to just flashing each other the deadliest glares they could muster. Sensing their ongoing competition, Connie sighed, turning to face Eren with a deep frown. "Sorry, Eren, but Jean's right. We do have a library..."

The brunette's jaw dropped, before muttering something that sounded like an angry 'fine' and storming out of the room, making sure to slam the door on his way out. The two stared after him and his retreating back, feeling confused on whether or not to be sorry for him or to be glad that he was gone. For Jean, however, the answer was obvious.