Ruhama

Childhood

She pulled the blanket further close to her, as she began to tell her childhood's dreadful tale. " My mom was 18 when she fell in love with my so-called dad ." her voice deadly calm as she was narrating her childhood incidents. her throat almost rumbled as she spoke about him.

" Ever heard love is blind. that's exactly what happened. My dad used her, took advantage of her innocence . he got married to her. I was 5 years old when I saw the horrible incident where my dad was hovering above my mom and she was begging him to stop ." She could still hear her mother screaming for help. " I wish I could have helped her there but I stood there watching everything single thing he did to her . he broke her in such a way that it was impossible for her to recover. I saw my mother dying that day when he crushed her under him, trampled with her dignity, crushed her self-respect." her eyes teared up as her mind flashed back to her childhood.

" You are mother didn't do anything ?" he whispered . she shook her head.

" After that incident, she lost the spark in her eyes, her eyes became lifeless. I saw my mother dying every day. I felt helpless every single my mother cried. I felt angry I couldn't do anything . I used to sit outside her room every day, hearing her begging him don't it, begging him to stop, but he was too unconsciously drunk to acknowledge her pleas. After few months Zoya was born, Zoya brought happiness with her. My mother was happy around her, my so-called father never acknowledge me or Zoya. He used to come home late. whenever he came home he would be drunk, barely even stand to acknowledge our presence. "

" One day he came home as usual drunk, my mom sent me and Zoya to my room. Zoya was fastened asleep in her crip, while I was pace in front of the room. there was an uneasy feeling in my heart. Suddenly I heard my mother screaming, I ran down to see my mother was lying on the floor, her head was bleeding. My dad was holding a vase in his hand . " For once he wanted to forget his morals and hold her as she was narrating her dreadful tale. her eyes trained on the ceiling . " she was lying there breathless, unconscious. I went near her and sat beside her holding her hand. hoping that this could bring her back to life ." she sniffed, how she could wish to go back to the night and stop whatever happened to her mother ." I still remember my mother's lifeless eyes staring at me ."

" Go ahead ." he stared at her, watching her struggle to continue. " Let it out, Seher ."

he didn't know when he left the comfort of the sofa and went beside her.

" After that day, my life became hell. he used to physically abuse me. whenever he used to get angry he would hit me with whatever he could find. from bats to a metal chain. whenever I used to rebel against him he would try to hurt Zoya . " she remembered how she used hide Zoya or send her to the neighbor's house ." There was time's when he would bring some male's guest to and ask me to dress up in dresses which were beyond comfortable. I still remember those men gawking me, those lust in those men's eyes ." She curled her hand around her body as she still could those men's eyes. " I still did everything for Zoya , to keep her safe. even when he was almost sold to those men. Almost !"

" It really got out of hand when I was 14. It was nighttime, there was a thunderstorm outside. I was curled up in conner, praying he won't come home. I could hear faded footsteps that got louder and louder. my heart slammed in my chest as he opened the door of my room. he was drunk as usual. it became a routine for him to come home drunk and hit me. he would always say that hitting me makes him to me make him lose his frustration . " her throat curled up inside her making her difficult to continue, he was holding her hand, drawing circles on her hand somewhat made her continue ." he walked closer to me, grab my hair and threw me on the bed. I begged him not to hurt me but my cries were sub-pressed between his burning desires. he hovered me and started ripping my shirt off. Started kissing my collarbone that's when I lost it. I have given everything to him, even when he treated me like a dog but I couldn't let him take advantage of what's mine. That day was the last drop of my patience. I pushed him, grabbed the lamp on the side, and broke it on his head ." She didn't where she got the courage to spell out her pain, but now she felt somehow better.

" Why didn't try to ask for help ?"

" Whenever I tried asking for help, he would punish Zoya . I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't push Zoya into the hellfire knowing it wasn't her fault. Zoya still feels guilty for everything that happened to me. "

" Why didn't your mom leave him?"

"Society . " she lips curled up in hatred ."society doesn't digest the fact that a single mother can raise her children, she was well vised with the society's mindset. "

"You're dad ?"

" I killed him that night, I could still feel his blood on my hands ." she rubbed her hand harshly, she could still smell his filthy blood. That night she not only ended him but also herself. Her body was numb, she couldn't anything, her mind was blank. it felt too suffocating for her . she rubbed her hand harder, to the point it turned red.

" Seher !" his voice cut through her past shell, his hands caught her hands, separating from each other. Her veins of her hands were almost popped out, her hands were cold and red due to constant rubbing . " look at me seher . " his voice still. She was getting a panic attack.

He turned her face towards him, her eyes were numb, lost color in them. It was dark beyond her naturals ones. " Listen to me. " he spelled each word to her. " He is not here. he is dead ."

" He almost .." she whispered. tears running down her cheeks.

" Almost. You didn't let it happen . " he held her face with his palm. " You're brave seher . To me you're no less than a warrior, who went through hell but choose to rebuilt her into this wonderful woman, who happens to be broken from inside but still carries herself beautifully ." he leaned his forehead to her . she smelled like almonds and honey or whatever but he felt as if he found his home.

she is his home.

He could feel his blood rush in his heart, his heart was beating faster per second. the realization was knocking at his door. It wasn't any stupid crush or infatuation anymore. it was something meaningful, something more than a friendship, something more than a usual teasing.

She tried to sit back, when wrapped his hand around the back of her hijab, pulled her closer. " This is wrong," she whispered.

" Then why does it feels so right ?"

A question she didn't have any idea of.

If this is wrong then why does it feels soo damn right?

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Peace out !