Déjà Vu

Chapter 4

Now ~ Fred

He doesn't sleep much tonight, alternating between shuffling around restlessly and staring blankly at the ceiling. He just has far too many thoughts buzzing around in his head and he can't seem to slow them down.

He still hasn't recovered from seeing Evelyn for the very first time at Hogwarts, her eyes wide and her mouth open wide in shock as she looked at him. He'd first thought that she had just been a figment of his imagination for a moment, a result of the sheer amount of longing that has taken over his brain recently that had come to taunt and tease him.

She's not, though. She is very real.

He'd completely rid himself of any hope of seeing Evelyn again, at least until his next break from school. It was something that he had ingrained in his brain for months now, that she would be something that existed solely in summer. He had made sure that she lived in a spot in his brain composed of sun, laughter, and his hometown; he hadn't let her touch another single spot. He hadn't let her even so much as grace his thoughts of his upcoming time at Hogwarts, nor any other part of the future -- no matter what it was that he wanted.

That's what he'd always told himself at least.

That's all thrown out the window now though, and it had been something that he was previously happy about. Once he had taken some time to grasp the fact that she's here, he had actually started to feel excited about it, overjoyed with the idea that they could just pick up where they left off. He'd been so incredibly happy that the thing that had caused a black cloud to take over his life for the past few days was gone, that things didn't have to be over.

It was some of the best news he'd heard in awhile.

She'd ripped that right away though, and now he feels even worse. Not only did he humiliate himself by letting her know how naive he was to think that things would go back to the way they were, but he'd also regained his hope only to lose it again. That's the thing he's most upset about, really.

He has so many emotions coursing through his body, so much that he can almost feel them moving through his veins, and anger is the only one that he can truly identify. He can feel it in the way his ears burn, in the way his body is restless in a hot, uncomfortable way. He can't tell if it's mostly aimed at Evelyn for a multitude of things or aimed at himself for his own stupidity, and he doesn't really feel like figuring it out anytime soon.

All he knows is how incredibly grumpy he feels; he wants to cross his arms over his chest, pout, and stomp his foot. He doesn't really care how childish it sounds, he feels sorry for himself and he doesn't feel like stopping it.

How could she have a boyfriend? He had kissed her for the last time only three days ago. He'd fucked her for the last time then too. Now she suddenly has a boyfriend?

He flips over on his bed again, unable to lay still.

"Quit fucking moving!" George hisses from the other side of the room.

"Sorry," he mutters, shuffling one last time, trying to get into a position that he can stay in for a while.

He can't get her out of his head, no matter how hard he tries to focus on other, more important things. He'd known that he was going to have to take some time to be sad when he got to Hogwarts, take some time to mourn over someone who he'd grown to care about a lot more than he'd initially planned to, he just hadn't thought he'd have to do it with the object of said mourning living two floors away from him. With a boyfriend.

He feels like he's done something horrible to earn this, and he wants more than anything to apologize to whoever he's done it to. He knows nothing would fix it though; she's here to stay.