E + N

State of Grace

State of Grace by Taylor Swift

I'm walking fast through the traffic lights

Busy streets and busy lives
And all we know is touch and go
We are alone with our changing minds
We fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds, or fades in time
And I never saw you coming
And I'll never be the same
You come around and the armor falls
Pierce the room like a cannon ball
Now all we know is don't let go
We are alone, just you and me
Up in your room and our slates are clean
Just twin fire signs, four blue eyes
So you were never a saint
And I've loved in shades of wrong
We learn to live with the pain
Mosaic broken hearts
But this love is brave and wild
And I never (never) saw you coming
And I'll never (never) be the same
This is a state of grace
This is the worthwhile fight
Love is a ruthless game
Unless you play it good and right
These are the hands of fate
You're my Achilles heel
This is the golden age of something good
And right and real
And I never (never) saw you coming
And I'll never be the same
And I never (never) saw you coming
And I'll never
(So you were never a saint
And I've loved in shades of wrong)
Be the same
(We learn to live with the pain
Mosaic broken hearts
But this love is brave and wild)
This is a state of grace
This is the worthwhile fight
Love is a ruthless game
Unless you play it good and right

________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up this morning and realized how my life changed so completely in the blink of an eye. The first thing I remember thinking this morning was wondering why it was so bright in my room and when my bed had gotten so uncomfortable. My eye lids fluttered and I was confused for a second, realizing I wasn't even in my room, I was outside, watching the sun rise over Los Angeles. Then I was struck with the realization that last night wasn't just some bizarre, amazing, terrifying, wonderful dream. I turned my head, just to make sure, and I saw Noah lying next to me, still sleeping. God, he was beautiful. His hair was messy and up close I could see how long his eyelashes really were. His lips were slightly parted and he looked peaceful. I wanted to this moment to last forever, to spend every last second memorizing his features. 

We were under the Hollywood sign, laying together on the blanket I had packed to the beach yesterday. Noah had his arm draped over my side and I tried not to move, not wanting to wake him. I replayed the last 24 hours in my head, trying to make a mental note of every single, life altering, detail. 

It all started with Beach Day yesterday. Every year, the day after the school's fall fundraiser, the student government puts on a totally unsanctioned beach day for everyone. The faculty knew about but since there was always underaged drinking, the school turned a blind eye to it. I started the day hanging out with Lee and his new girlfriend, Rachel. I knew who she was before the carnival but we were just acquaintances. She turned out to be really sweet and a lot of fun and it was nice to have another girl around, for once. We did the slip and slide and played flip cup, which I obviously won. I was trying to distract myself from all thoughts of one Noah Flynn, and all the startling confessions we both made yesterday. I still didn't believe he really felt anything for me, or at least I wouldn't let myself believe it, but I still had to confront the fact that I definitely had feelings for him. They were more than just an unrequited crush now, too. They were full fledged, I like you, please, dear God, like me back type feelings. As much as I was trying to distract myself from him, I constantly found my eyes scanning the beach for him, and as soon as I found him, I would instantly wish I hadn't. He was usually surrounded by girls either cheering him on while he played football with the other guys, or just outright flirting with him. There were, however, a few times I thought I caught him looking back at me but I never held eye contact long enough to be sure.