fever dream | miyamura izumi

three

(tw: graphic descriptions of abuse)

Kisa felt her heartbeat, thud, thud, thud in her ears.

It will be over soon, she told herself. Just get through it.

"Kisa? Is that you?" she heard her father's voice call as soon as she opened the front door.

She took a deep breath to stop her heart from feeling like it's about to jump out from her chest. Kisa walked to the living room. "Yes father."

She felt immediate relief flood through her body when she scanned the beer cans messily strewn across the floor. He was drunk. And that meant she could get away more easily. Well, most of the time.

Father looked at her with droopy eyes from his spot on the mat. "Come here Kisa."

She reluctantly obeyed and went to him, feeling her legs shake with fear. She winced when he pulled her arm down forcefully, making her kneel in front of him.

"You're late," he grumbled. Kisa tried not to let out a cry when he fisted her hair to pull her closer down to his face.

His breath reeked of cheap beer, and the red of his eyes was something that haunted her dreams. 

"I- I'm sorry father, I had to make up a test after school. It won't happen again," she pleaded, but he only grabbed her hair harder.

Kisa suddenly felt a sting on her cheek, and it took a second for her to realize she had been hit. "Don't fucking lie to me!"

"I'm- I'm not father! I'm sorry," she cried, trying to pull away from his grip. He delivered another hit to her face, this time on the mouth, so she tasted blood.

"I know you're messing around with boys. You're a whore like your mother! Just a little fucking slut; aren't you?"

Kisa sobbed as he yanked at her roots once more, bringing her down to the floor.

I can't do this anymore.

With all of her strength, she pushed a knee up into his crotch, and he immediately let go of his hold on her to double over in pain.

"What the fuck Kisa? I'm going to kill you, you little shit," her father groaned, starting to collect himself and crawl over towards her.

She was frozen in place, struck with fear at the sight of pure hatred in the eyes of her father.

Then her mind caught up with her body, and she ran with every ounce of her being.

She ran out of the house with no destination in mind; only the desperation of getting as far away from that man as possible.

And to think these are his good days. When he's sober, Kisa can't escape so easily.

She brought herself to calm down, letting sobs turn into deep breaths. She tried not to think about what was waiting for her when she couldn't put off going home anymore; she tried not to imagine how angry he would be.

People passing by on the street looked at her weird, but no one asked questions. They never did. They probably just assumed she was a dirty street kid in a gang. Sometimes Kisa wondered if that life would be better. At least she wouldn't be so alone.

"Takagi?" a soft, familiar voice said. Hearing her name float graciously through the air was such a huge contrast from the distaste her father spit at her.

Her heart dropped at the thought of someone she knew seeing her, but once she realized it belonged to Miyamura, she went into panic.

He can't see me like this. Anyone but him.