To Capture A Heart

𝑁𝐼𝑁𝐸

Present:

I pick myself up off the ground and wipe away the dried tears smudged on my face.

"Davina", Matteo says through the door. "Please come back and talk to me."

I ignore him and stroll over to the counter.

Grabbing some bread and cheese, I make a sandwich and put it on a napkin.

"Hungry?" I roll my eyes and begin to open the door.

You're fucking joking.

Matteo stands tall, and his metal cuffs are thrown on the floor.

"Get back in the fucking chair", I grit out.

He just stands there.

Stares at me.

And moves closer.

"How did you get out?"

"I um", he says and looks down in embarrassment. "I keep one of your hair clips in my pocket."

"You're pathetic", I scoff and lean against the doorframe. "Why aren't you trying to leave?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Look, Davina-"

"I'm gonna stab you in the eyes if you give me some fucking speech about how sorry you are."

My brain hurts from hearing him talk.

He sighs and scratches his scalp.

"Just listen to me okay?"

The sandwich flies out of my hands and smashes against the wall.

"You don't fucking get it, do you?! I DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO YOU. I DON'T WANNA FUCKING HEAR YOU APOLOGIZE AND SAY YOU MISS ME. YOU TRIED TO FUCKING KILL ME, DON'T YOU GET THAT?!"

Angry, hot tears rush down my face.

He disgusts me.

Everything about this man disgusts me.

"I know what I did", he says, and tears weld up in his eyes. "I've had the image stuck in my head every second of every damn day. You don't wanna hear my apologies, I get that Davina. But I won't stop saying them until you believe me."

We're both fucking crying, great.

And since when do I cry over something that's not about my daughter?

He gets on his knees in front of me and grabs until my wrists.

"I thought what I did was right. I thought that killing you would stop us from fleeing our home and jumping from state to state, the rest of our lives would be worse. We wouldn't have kids. We wouldn't have the time to get married. I know you'd get sick of me. Me being the reason why you can't live a normal life and go to college."

He breaks down in tears and starts to sob.

Please stop.

"Why do you think I'd go with you after it?" I pull my wrists free and back up. "You thought that after I find out my boyfriend was trying to kill me, I'd go on a fucking road trip with him!"

"Please", he begs.

"You think that I would fucking still love you after that?!"

"Please just forgive me", he pleads. His hands are folded until he unclasps them and starts tugging on his hair.

So hard I know he's pulling strands out.

"Stop", I whisper and look away.

"I fucked everything up", he whispers and continues to pull. "You don't love me anymore."

"STOP!" I say and break his hands from his hair and watch strands fall to the floor.

He grabs my waist and pulls his head into my stomach.

I don't want him to touch me.

Please stop touching me.

"Let go of me", I mumble and try to loosen his grip.

He starts to shake and I feel my shirt turn damp.

"Get off!"

But he doesn't move.

He just lifts his head a bit and meets my eye. "Please, love me again."

My hand falls into my pocket, while the other one rests on his cheek.

"The first time I did that, I lost everything."

And then I plunge a needle into his neck filled with hydroxybutyrate.

"And I lost my daughter."

Then he collapses on the ground, and I leave.

Anybody can say what they want.

But I truly, will never have a ounce of love in my heart for that man ever again.