THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU ➪ 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐒

11.

*REECE'S POV*

  There's a lot of things in this world that scares the crap out of me. Most of them have already happened. Chris getting married, DJ dying, but most importantly... opening up and talking to a professional about how I was feeling.

I always kept my thoughts hidden, and if I were to ever express them, deeply.. it was always in the stories I wrote. Sure I can talk to Harper, or Reed or even Scott. But I never want to go in too deep on how I am feeling. They are my friends, my family...  it's not their problem why I am struggling.

The nightmares kept happening, but by now.. I just get used to it. I have a nightmare, I calm myself down and write and then I go back to bed. Simple as that. But I know I can't keep living like this. I feel emotionally disconnected from not just from the outside world but from myself. Never have I been so emotionally drained. DJ's death was defiantly what set it into full gear.

I had my first therapy appointment today. The only people that I spoke to about it was Reed. Out of everyone, Reed was one of the few people that actually knew me. Without peeling off all my layers, he knew when I had a cry for help. That's why he gave me to card from Kelli. He knew the stress from Chris was one thing, but DJ's death was another. 

I'm not trying to impress anyone, especially my therapist. My hair is wrapped up in the bun I had in the night before, along with my blue light glasses that rested on the frame of my nose. I don't want Kelli to think I don't take care of myself. But by this point, I do not care. What is there to care about?

I slipped on a plain crewneck I stole from Scott and slid on my flip flops as I made my way out the door. It was early, and thank god I had the day off. I don't know how I could handle my emotions afterwards. I hated that place now, it just reminds me of nothing but sadness. That wasn't fair at all. Life isn't fair.

I got in my Camry and drove off to the location where Kelli was located. I was nervous. What if she thinks that my issues are stupid? What if she thinks I am being over dramatic? What if people have worse than me. Who am I kidding, it's her job to listen to people cry and complain about their problems. But I don't like being everyone else. I like being Reece Carter. But right now, it just sucks to be Reece Carter. 

The drive was not too long at all. I pulled in and smiled when I noticed that the parking lot wasn't too full. That lowers my anxiety. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down to the best of my ability. I approached the door, and made my way into the lobby. I quickly check myself in because I don't want to deal with small talk. Number one, it's too early and two, I just don't want to cry in front of the poor front desk worker. 

I wait patiently for Kelli, looking around the empty seats in the lobby. This will be good for me. It will help me make the right choices. This is exactly what I have been needing for the last six months. The door opened and I looked up. "Hi, you must be Reece." Kelli greeted me. She had auburn hair, freckles on her bare shoulders.

I get up and smiled lightly as I walk into the door. She shuts the door, and makes her way next to me. "You know, your brother Reed.. he's a good friend of mine. Nice guy." Kelli is trying to make small talk. I hate it, but it's the least I can do.

"Yeah, he's nice now. You should've seen him when we were teens." I joked. She opened the door to her office. Plants were hung everywhere, a nice comfortable couch for me to sit in and another chair right across from me, for Kelli to sit at. I make my way to my seat and she sits across from me.

She lets out a sigh. "So. Reece. I'm not sure if you know how therapy works. But I don't want to be just your therapist. I want to at least be your friend. I know how hard it is to open up about stuff that is going on in your life, so I am not expecting you to get through everything today if you aren't comfortable with sharing it. It takes time and trust."