THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU ➪ 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐒

13.

One more week. A week from today, I'll be on a flight to Hawaii and have to watch Chris get married. He's reached out and apologized over and over for what happened at the party. But I avoid it. I don't want to feel suffocated anymore. I just want to rip this bandaid off and move on. Get the pain over with the easy way.

"So, Reece." Kelli leans back in her chair, looking at me. The few months I have been seeing her, the more that therapy doesn't scare the living shit out of me anymore. I can trust Kelli, like an old friend. It's so hard to open up to someone about my anxiety and mental health when it's someone new, but with her, she understands. It's not as scary as everyone makes it out to be.

"Wedding is in seven days." I nodded my head, letting her words soak into my brain. The wedding is so soon. "How are you feeling?"

I chuckled quietly. At this point, with me not talking to Chris, neglecting the stupid book Scott told me to write in the first place and not being on good terms with his bride to be. I honestly want nothing more than to not be a part of this wedding. But I already got my plane ticket, my lousy dress and the hotel room. Even though we aren't on speaking terms, it would be foolish for me not to go. It would make me look like a sore loser.

"I'm feeling a lot of things." I looked at her, and she nodded her head, trying to take in what I have to say into consideration.

"Explain to me what you are feeling."

I shrugged. It was hard to find the right words. Were there even the right words to describe how I was feeling? I was disgusted, I was revolted, I was numb... how could I describe all of those three things?

"I just," I stuttered, looking up at the ceiling for some comfort. "I honestly don't know how to describe it. Because if I do, then it won't make any sense."
The good thing about Kelli the therapist was the fact she was a licensed professional to move past things that truly did bother me. Even though it has only been a few months since I have been seeing her, I have told her some of my deepest, darkest secrets and thoughts.

"Have you spoken to Chris?" She asked, out of the blue.

I hold onto my breath, shaking my head. "No, I haven't."

"Why is that?"

I shrugged. I skipped out on two stargazing Saturdays. I have never done that in the history of our friendship. I wanted to go, see him, talk things out. But truth be told, I was scared to. I didn't even tell him half of what I was feeling, truthfully. I just let him get a glimpse of it, and it broke him. I didn't know if I was ready to face that again.

"Why would I?" I asked her, and she scoffed.

"Reece," Kelli takes off her glasses, to actually look at me. "His wedding is next week, and you haven't talked to him? Has he reached out?"

"Yes." I looked down at my feet, ashamed. "He at least texts me once a day. I just ignore it, or I leave him on read. I never do that."

In my mind, I think keeping my space from Chris is the best thing I could do for myself before the wedding. It will prepare me to finally let go of him, so I can finally live my life with no despair. It hurts so much though. Letting go of the one person you love the most in your life. It's all because of this stupid wedding. The wedding, Sawyer... it drove us apart. I don't ever think we could be the same Chris and Reece again. Not after the party. There's way too much to unpack.

"I skipped out on Saturday stargazing." I whispered, lifting my head up towards her in defeat. "Two times. Two times Kelli. Never in the history of our friendship have I done that before. God, I am so horrible. He probably hates me."

"Now why would he hate you?" Kelli asked.

"Why wouldn't he hate me?" I asked back. "In the history of our friendship that has lasted almost four decades, I have never skipped a Saturday night gazing session. Despite the fact when he first moved out here while I still lived in Boston, I still would look at the sky and he would call me, looking at the same sky. I didn't even stare up at the stars on Saturday night. It makes me sick thinking about it." She was silent as she let me go on.

"Kelli.. You should have seen his face at that party." I whispered, remembering the look on Chris's face. I have never seen him get that emotion, so desperate, ever.. In my whole life. "He acted like I was walking out of his life for good, and he didn't understand what he did that was so wrong. Until I kind of told him. Like the kiss, and how Sawyer treated his family. It's not the Chris I know."

"You know," Kelli sits up in her seat. "I've seen him on the movie screen so many times, and never would I have ever expected for Chris Evans to be such a complicated man."

"Maybe it's because he's a Gemini."

"Or maybe it's the fact that he might be torn, did you think about that?" She asked me and I shook my head.

"What would he be so torn up about? He has everything he could ever want."

"Right, but what does he not have right now?" She asked me. He doesn't have me. His best friend.

"I don't know exactly what your guy's friendship is like, and I don't need to. It may seem like I have to know, but in reality.. I don't. I might be a licensed therapist but the beautiful thing about this friendship is the fact that it is just based solely on you two. Reece Carter and Chris Evans."

Chris Evans and Reece Carter, the duo till the end of time. God, I really missed what we had before Sawyer. I missed us so much. I hate how this broke us apart, and I didn't know how to fix it. Maybe there was no just thing as fixing it at all. "From what you have told me, he always has your back when it comes to you or Sawyer. He has always been there for you, when you're anxious, or alone, even when DJ died, who was there Reece? It was Chris."

"I think the hard part is to understand he'll always love you. You'll always love him. He loves you, deep down but he also loves Sawyer too. Do you want to risk your friendship because of this?" I rolled my eyes. I am risking our friendship because I'm not happy. It's not healthy.

"I'm risking our friendship because he thinks he can kiss me anytime he gets drunk." I stand up for myself. "I don't think it's fair that he's not treating Sawyer like that, even though she doesn't deserve it. I just.. It's so confusing."

The awkward silence. I always hate that awkward silence, when you don't know of the next thing to say next. I know what I am doing is healthy for me, in my benefit. "I don't want to be a back burner to him. I don't want to be that girl who puts him in the awkward situation where she says you choose Sawyer or me... but I feel like I have no choice. It's hurting me. Bad."

Kelli sighed. "I think you should really tell him how you feel... before the wedding. It's better to tell him how you truly feel before it's too late."

"But what will Sawyer say?" I asked.

"It's not her business, it's between you two." She gets up, packing up her things. "I hope the wedding goes smoothly next week, I'm expecting a story from you."

I nodded, as I collected all my things. My mind kept wandering to the worst case scenario. I already caused so much grief... I didn't want to tell him about how I really felt. But if I didn't, then I would regret it.

"Oh and Reece?" Kelli turns to me.

I looked up at her as she stood in the doorway. "Nothing is ever wrong about telling people how you truly feel. You're not being selfish. You'll regret it if you don't."

And maybe she was right. Maybe I would regret it.

-

HI!! Short lil chapter. Sorry for the lack of updates! I was participating in Nanowrimo! Basically you have to write 50,000 words in a month! So I was working on another story I have on here. But we are back with the updates.

Friendly reminder again, please be patient, as I have a life like all of you! Thank you for all the love and support on this book. I love you all!!