the gravity that holds me

28

Do You Hear the Voices Too?

i am afraid

my insecurities
are the first priority
of my anxiety

i am afraid

afraid of faces
looks
thoughts
hands in wrong places

i am afraid

i fear judgement
toxic to the mind
brain on fire
overthinking unkind

i am afraid

afraid of people
deceptive credulity
rumors fly
swarm of bees
glitching buzz
smiles scary
sight all blurry
crying
screaming
silence

i am afraid

afraid of people
people who believe
the assumptions they make
don't think of other people
destructive implosion
palms crumbling cake
enamel on cherry
ignorance
denial

i am afraid

afraid of men
afraid of being touched
by strangers
by men who have no shame
my body
my right
my life is no game
jackstones on paved stone
denim on gravel
this has to stop
make it stop

i am afraid

afraid to go out
socially impaired
my words are a mess
i am scared
scared of speaking
hands shaking
everyone staring
talk to me
look me in the eye
watch me look away

i am afraid

afraid of hurting
i mean no harm
but problems stick to problems
and problems stick to me
pour glittery glue
on purple bruise
i hurt
hurt too much
hurt too many

i am afraid

afraid of monsters
monsters that make you grow
grow up faster than you know
stitches undone
gnaw at your seems
tear right through
fabric ribbons in dust

i am afraid

afraid of the hypocrisy
injected into our lives
even before they begin
hold fizzing acid
in ruby iced mouths
the infected i fear
but for this very virus in me
i have no cure
where should i hide?

i am afraid

afraid to wear
my choice of apparel
because i can see
and i can feel
the uneasy gaze
of men above my age
do young clementine legs
make your blood rush south?
deviant eyes know bodies
not bounds

i am afraid

afraid of myself
afraid of others
of doing anything
of doing nothing
afraid of my mind
and the ones that judge mine
i am afraid of everything
yet here i am
breathing, alive

image: via erosedits on tumblr. https://erosedits.tumblr.com/