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YOU felt like ending it all, now.
you wanted the earth to open up, swallow you whole and never spit you out. suddenly, your hate for school increased drastically, remembering that shinichiro was there. well, you say 'remember', when really, you never forgot. all night you had been thinking about how you totally screwed up at shinichiro's.
that kiss was the kiss that you've been waiting for your whole life, but of course, your awkward ass had to go fuck it up. at the time, you wanted nothing more than to pull shinichiro closer by his shirt, enhancing the intensity of your kiss the next round.
but no. instead, you moved away awkwardly, like you didn't want that kiss to happen, and claimed that it was 'getting late', that you 'had to go before your mum gets home'.
your mum was working a nightshift.
you didn't look at shinichiro as he bid your farewell, and you didn't even give him a goodnight or a thank you as you left his house rudely, forgetting the revision guide that he had made specifically for you.
fucking idiot, you thought.
how were you gonna face shinichiro now?
simple, you won't.
pretending the kiss never happened would not work, because shinichiro would definitely find a way to slip it into your conversation, so alternatively, ignoring shinichiro altogether would diminish the chances of you talking.
and that plan was definitely gonna hurt, but you'd rather not ruin your relationship with shinichiro any further.
or maybe this would ruin your relationship with him even more. you didn't know.
when you walked through the school gates, you didn't wait for shinichiro like you usually did. you got out your airpods and clicked on the first playlist so that nobody would bother talking to you, hopefully. obviously there was a handful of dense people (haru) that would try and initiate conversation, but if you just ignored them and blamed it on your music, then you would be okay.
you checked your social media, just to check if he had messaged you. he hasn't, and you think you were happy about that (you weren't really). you decided to occupy yourself by playing a game - subway surfers proved quite the distraction in moments like this.
but then you died, and you momentarily looked up from your phone, and the second you did, your eyes connected with familiar pools of black, not far away from you. almost immediately, you broke eye contact, busying yourself with your phone, but when you noticed that he was approaching you, you had to act quickly.
you stood up abruptly, turning your back on shinichiro and making your way inside the school, so that it looked like you were making your way to your first lesson. but shinichiro wasn't stupid - he instantly put two and two together and realised that you were avoiding him.
and god, it fucking hurt seeing you walk away like that. a pit of despair grew in his stomach when he saw that you didn't even spare him a last glance. usually, you would have walked into school together, shairing your airpods after shinichiro insisted he wanted to listen to your music, and you would have shared rice cakes before shinichiro walked you to your first lesson.
he knew this situation was about yesterday, but how was he meant to clear everything up if you refused to even look at him? shinichiro knew how stubborn you were, too.
so now shinichiro stood in the middle of the courtyard, a dejected, confused look plastered on his face as he watched you disappear into the school. but of course, haru was there, ready to take shinichiro's mind off things.
"yooo, shin-shin," haru greeted him, placing an arm over his shoulder as he always did. "yeah, hi haru," shinichiro nodded, finally peeling his eyes off of your figure and faking a smile at haru.
"uh-oh, fake smile alert," haru chuckled awkwardly. awfully quick for haru. then again, shinichiro usually smiles with his eyes as well, it's obvious whenever he's faking one. "yeah, i'm sorry, but i need to tell you something," shinichiro whispered.
"oh? go ahead."
shinichiro looked around him, checking to see if anyone was nearby. he bought haru closer, and in a low voice, uttered, "i kissed [name]."
if anything, haru was more happy about this fact than shinichiro. he thumped shinichiro on the back, applauding him for getting this far with the same girl. "okay, haru, i kissed a girl, i didn't cure cancer," shinichiro hissed at his overreaction.
"i thought the curing of cancer would come before this day!" haru joked, pulling shinichiro's cheek and telling him how proud he was. "uh, but i don't really see the problem?" he paused, frowning at shinichiro.
"yeah, she's avoiding me now," shinichiro explained, his voice laced with disappointment. "ouch. how can you tell, though? the day has barely started," haru questioned.
"she didn't wait for me at the gates, and when we made eye contact, she looked away immediately, and then when she saw me walk up to her, she got up and walked away from me," shinichiro listed. he wasn't gonna mention the fact you left his house seconds after you had actually kissed.
"oh, damn," haru nodded, clicking his tongue in disappointment. "and you still like her?" haru asked. shinichiro made an unbothered expression as he scratched the back of his head, though he was very much blushing right now. "y-yeah."
haru smiled, punching shinichiro playfully, though he was very tough and shinichiro felt like crying. "shut up, haru, it's not that big of a deal."
"anything i can do?" he asked. shinichiro shook his head, "you'd fuck us up even more." haru rolled his eyes, punching shinichiro softly. "arguable. well, whatever you do, the whole school is on your side, and don't you fuck this up - this is the first time a girl actually likes you," haru smiled, patting his back before running off to greet a girl he had started talking to.
shinichiro sighed heavily, dragging his feet over to the first lesson he had - maths, and as he trudged through the school, he wondered what the actual fuck was going through your brain as of now.
