The downworld - Malec Fanfiction AU

Chapter VI- Setback

Author's note:

For you, you meanie.

The door opens, but I don't bother moving. I was currently counting the holes in the ceiling. Were it 54 or 57? Maybe 56?

"Good morning Alexander" I recognize the voice, it's Magnus. My bones feel so heavy that I don't want to move. So were it 42 holes?

"Can I come in?" 76? Ugh forget it. I make a noncommittal noise and soon hear footsteps enter my room. Then a warm hand takes mine while I still watch the ceiling. A sound of the single chair scraping over the floor. It all feels so numb and heavy. Mr. Patrickson said we all have good and bad days. But what about empty ones? Magnus' thumb runs over the back of my hand. I let him do. I know it grounds him. I can see his face in the corner of my eye. Did you know that you actually see only black and white in the corners of your eyes but that your brain supplies the colour? I start counting again. One, two, three, five, six, nine... ugh. Again. One, two, four... one, two, three, I'm tired.

"Would you like to go outside again, my love? We don't have to speak and you don't have to move, I'm sure they'll lend us a wheelchair" Outside. A concept that has only existed when Magnus is here. The park was nice last time. The sun on my skin and warmth. But I feel like I can't move. Like I can't speak. With all my strength I turn my head and stare at Magnus who promptly starts to smile at me. I can see that he's tired. Under all the glitter and makeup, I can see it. While his skin seems flawless, the shape of the bags under his eyes is still present. He doesn't seem to mind that I don't say a word. He just smiles down to me. Then, very slowly, he reaches out and runs a hand through my hair, his eyes checking out my face. I close my eyes, it feels good. It's not much, but anything is better than numb. When I open my eyes again, he still watches me but then raises my hand to his lips. Soft and warm, his lips press against my palm. A strange place for a kiss. I stretch my fingers and touch the bags under his eyes. Magnus' smile broadens a bit, but it seems forced this time.

"I'm okay, love. Don't worry" he says. He lies. I know he lies. Why is he lying to me? I shake my head slowly. He's not okay. Is it my fault?

"Have I been bad?" my throat aches. I haven't spoken for a long time. Magnus' eyes widen in shock.

"No, love of course not. You're fighting so hard and I'm so proud of how hard you fight. I just have been swamped with work lately. Your sister has helped me a lot though. She's now working next to Catarina. You've both made her so proud with how strong you are." Mom? I haven't thought of her for so long...I was gone for so long...

"Outside?" I ask him then. I feel so heavy. I can't go there alone. Magnus smiles.

"Of course. I'll carry you to a wheelchair. Just let yourself relax. If you fall asleep it's okay too, don't fight it" I feel his arm slip under my back and knees as he lifts me up and carries me out of the room. The doctor has said that I can move in the floor if I wanted since I've behaved. Magnus carries me outside and a nurse immediately rushes towards us. I zone out as Magnus talks to him. I just know that I'm being sat in a wheelchair after a while. I want Magnus to hold my hand but I don't say anything.

We pass corridors and after a few minutes we're outside. It's too bright and I close my eyes. Then shadow appears in front of my closed eyelids.

"You can open them now, love. I'm sorry, I can't give you sunglasses" As I blink open my eyes, I can see that it's Magnus' hand that makes shadow for me. There are few people outside today. I see some playing with some kind of ball with nurses. Another reads leaned to a tree. And then, there's a woman in a tight black dress and high heels. She's walking towards us. Her black hair has soft curls and is half down. She wears red lipstick. I've never seen red lipstick on her. Mom...

She kneels down in front of me with a soft smile. It's the smile she gave me when she read us stories and tucked us in.

"Hello, Alec" I can't bring myself to smile. I only blink at her. A hand is put on my shoulder. It's Magnus. Mom looks at me with love. How long has it been? She lays a hand on mine and we lace our fingers. I try to pull her forward. I need a hug. She gets the hint and lays my head on her shoulder as her free arm encircles me.

"Hold on, son. You're suffering but there's going to be an end of that suffering. And we'll be there the whole time. Magnus, me, Isabelle and Jace. We all love you, Alec. We all care about you. We're all here. You'll stop suffering someday, sweetie" She says as she holds me. Another pair of arms wrap around me and mom. They both hold me. Why is this all too numb!? The frustration in my mind flows through me. I want to scream, to cry, to laugh, ANYTHING! But I can just listen, not moving. I can only hope that I will feel something when I remember it.

Sneak peek:

Hands are around his neck, strangling him. He tries to fight it. To fight the grip while I run towards them. I'm too far away. I'm too slow. I see the consciousness leave his body but he doesn't stop the strangling hold. I hear my heartbeat. I run faster. He strangles his unconscious and limp body. Life leaves my love and I'm too slow to stop it...