Pancakes for dinner - JJPOPE

Chapter four

"Wow." Breathes Miss Davis, eyes wide, mouth agape slightly, hidden behind her hand. JJ's songbook was held in the other, her thumb holding the pages in place. "This is beautiful, JJ."

Scratching the back of his neck shyly, JJ smiles, a blush painting his cheeks. "Thank you." He mumbles, clearing his throat. "Could you help me with the cords?"

Lifting her head, their eyes locking, Miss Davis smiles. "I would like nothing more."

Over the past few days, JJ had been thinking the song over in his head. If he actually meant what he had written, if he had just written it because he wanted to be with someone, wanted to be loved in the way all his friends were being loved. If the song had nothing to do with Pope at all, or had everything to do with him.

Over the past few days, I had been thinking the song over in my head. If I actually meant what I had written, if I had just written it because I wanted to be with someone, I wanted to be loved in the way all my friends were being loved. If the song had nothing to do with Pope at all, or had everything to do with him.

It was a struggle to shake those thoughts away once they came. The song was for Pope. Of course it was. But for some reason, JJ's mind wouldn't let him be at peace with that fact. For he couldn't be gay, he couldn't be. And if he was, and Luke found out, he would kill JJ without any remorse. That's what terrified JJ the most. Being killed for being who he is. He was born this way, he was born gay and there was no way that he could change that. It shouldn't be a struggle for JJ to be okay with his sexuality. Look at Kiara and Cleo, they were so fucking happy together, didn't have an ounce of shame and didn't care what others thought. They were just themselves, in a happy, loving, healthy relationship.

JJ supposes that one of his problems was that he feared being seen differently. Being seen from the funny, high kid to just the gay guy. That being gay would be the only way that people saw him. There were quite a few jackasses around school who took time out of their day and found enjoyment in tormenting the other gay guys at school. JJ didn't want that for himself, nor did he want it for them either.

It was so hard to learn to accept himself, and now that he had written a song, a song about Pope and all the things he wanted to do with him, it made everything all the more terrifying. For what if Pope found it? Or worse, Luke found it? JJ would be the next murder in this shithole of a town and nobody would fucking care. For Luke would be seen by some as just the alcoholic and druggie that he was and was out of his head, whilst others would see it as a blessing if they ever found out the reason as to why Luke had killed him.

Maybe, just maybe, JJ was wrong. Maybe that wouldn't happen, maybe destiny did exist. Maybe Pope going out with that girl was just a path he was to take before he realised that pull that JJ felt, he felt it too. Or maybe JJ was right. Maybe Luke would end up killing him, maybe destiny was fucking bullshit. He couldn't really tell at this point, his mind and his heart fighting over what's right. All that JJ knew was that he was hopelessly in love with Pope and he couldn't push it away any longer.

The opening of the door cuts JJ from his thoughts, Miss Davis appearing holding an acoustic guitar, handing it over to JJ. He takes it with a smile, holding it in his arms with care, leant on his thigh, strumming his fingers over the taught strings. Miss Davis takes a seat beside him, placing his song book in her lap, reading over the lyrics once more.

"So," she says suddenly, catching JJ's eye. "Who's the lucky girl?"

JJ's heart leaps into the back of his throat, his hands freezing. "Um.." he trails off quietly, biting his lower lip. It terrified him, admitting that it was about a boy. That he was gay. That it was about Pope. JJ knew he shouldn't be, it was Miss Davis for Gods sake. But not everyone was accepting. "It's about a boy.."