Alphabet Drabbles fluff

R-Ready Now (Dodie)

December 2010

Ryan sits on the floor of Chad's bedroom, holding closed a floodgate. He's unsure why he kept these things from Chad during his surprise visit to New York. He's unsure of why he's in Albuquerque right now. He's unsure what Chad's reaction will be and it all scares him.

"I need to tell you about New York." He starts, feeling shaky around the edges.

"Then tell me." Chad sounds so kind, so mature.

"I want to. I just, I need you to listen. If you don't listen to the whole thing then you might think something that isn't true and I just don't want you to think..." Chad grabs Ryan's hand to interrupt him.

"Ryan, I will listen. Tell me all of it, when you're finished we'll talk about it." Ryan allows himself to feel comforted by the hand holding.

"So you know that my parents didn't know, well my dad didn't know. That first semester I told him. I called home and I just said it ya know. He hung up. All things considered that could have gone a lot worse but it hurt and then we had decided not to be together because of the distance and I just. I relied on old habits, I went to clubs and had drinks and had fun. Along the way I went on a few dates and had more than a few one night stands. I kinda saw this dude for a while, he was a jerk. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Ryan can't tell if he took a single breath for that entire run, maybe he is hyperventilating.

"Is there anything else?" Chad hasn't dropped Ryan's hand yet and he doesn't sound upset.

"I didn't come back to Albuquerque because my father spent two years pretending I didn't exist, and because of you." Ryan is sure he's about to cry.

"Because of me." Chad repeats calmly like he's trying to make each word make sense.

"Because if I came back and saw you I wasn't sure I'd go back to New York." A few strained tears fall and Ryan takes his hand back to wipe them.

"Hey," Chad says gently and Ryan looks up. "Is that all of it?"

Ryan nods and looks back down at the ground. He can tell that Chad isn't mad, but that only makes him feel more upset at himself for keeping this a secret for so long.

"I do wish you had told me earlier, but I can't say it wasn't something I expected. You were a new adult, single in New York City of course you partied Ryan. I'm glad you did, you deserve a life that's why we chose not to do long distance in the first place." Chad laughs but it's strained. "I am happy you trust me enough to tell me now."

"I always trusted you." Ryan chokes out, like a response to an accusation.

"Ryan, as much as I want to be with you, I want you to be yourself and happy even more." Ryan can't be sure that anyone has ever loved him in quite this same way before. There was always something about him about him that someone wanted to change, maybe he forgot someone could love him how he is.

"I want to be happy and myself with you," he finally looks back up at Chad.

"You know that means you'll have to come back to Albuquerque, not just me going to New York." Chad tries to hold back his smile but he's failing.

"I know, I'm ready for that now. I'm ready for you now, thanks for waiting for me to catch up." The two men stand up off the cramped floor and stretch.

"I mean there were two whole years between then and your apartment, I eventually went to clubs too. I guess I'm just not a slut." Chad teases stepping face to face with Ryan.

"I know a few locker rooms that beg to differ, Danforth." Ryan wraps his arms around his partner's waist.

"Well," Chad stretches his arms upwards not so subtly pushing his hips forward, "Mom's been baking all day and you have to try her christmas cookies they are the best in New Mexico."

"Brat." Ryan huffs.

Chad heads out his bedroom door."What, you don't like cookies now?"