A Court of Shadows and Thunder // AzrielxOC SlowBurn Romance, ACOTAR FanFiction

Chapter 60 - All There Is To Say

Azriel sat on an iron bench in the familiar training grounds of the House of Wind, the chilled air the night brought nipping at his ears. He didn't mind the cold, not here where the air was clear and where he could nearly see beyond the stars. And beyond the stars was exactly where his mind was at.

Azriel had gone through a tumultuous flurry of emotions he had never experienced before. He could still feel the warmth left behind from Brianna's lips on his, could still feel the explosion that had happened in his chest at her touch, that still lingered now like little embers in the pit of his stomach.

It was as though it had clouded his mind completely, had set off a series of emotions he had never had before, all at once, without warning, and completely void of any control. He had been so used to keeping it all within, to never letting it show, never allowing himself to feel. To have someone there, to look at him the way Brianna had, to kiss him the way she had... It was alike a dream that hadn't yet set in reality.

At least, not until reality came crashing down upon the both of them when Dorian had stepped out to greet them, when he had taken her out of his arms and into his.

It was a grand effort for Azriel to keep himself composed, to not act nor react when he watched as Dorian had leaned toward her and kissed the very same lips that were his only moments before. And then to sit in the same room as them, to speak and to listen to them speak, to act as though everything was alright, as though nothing was going on at all.

But Azriel knew it had to be done. He knew he couldn't pull Brianna away from him, he couldn't outright claim her as his in front of everyone. And what's more, even some part of Azriel was begging him to strike Dorian down, was telling him to tear him limb from limb for ever touching Brianna - and that new sentiment irked him to the bone.

He knew this was the mating bond, because he had seen this before. This new sense of possessiveness, this little voice that told him that no one but him could touch Brianna. It wasn't right, and yet, it felt as though it were. As if Brianna was his and no one else's, as if she was truly his claim. He couldn't wrap his mind around these new thoughts, these bursts of anger and jealousy.

Azriel didn't like these thoughts one bit, and he pushed far down where he hoped they wouldn't come out again, and instead his mind wandered to other ones.

Specifically, he went back to the image of the Inner Circle when they had received news about the Spring Court, and how they had barely reacted at all.

There was no doubt in Azriel's mind where Rhysand stood about the issue, and he was sure that Cassian and Mor thought the same. Feyre, however, had stilled herself to reveal no emotion, but Azriel had caught the slight shift in her eyes when Brianna had described the horrors the Spring Court endured, only not to say anything at all. And Amren, almost as per usual, had nothing good to say about it at all.

But it was the fact alone that none of them said anything at all that bothered Azriel, because it was almost as if the truth about what happened to Tamlin and his court was something they already all knew. All of them, except for Azriel.

They were acting as though they knew something they didn't, and while Azriel was somewhat used to this sort of treatment, there was still something about it that bothered him. He was used to not being informed of certain things, matters that were only discussed between the High Lord and Lady and their First and Second in Command. Often times, he and Cassian would be left out of it, only until Morrigan or Amren would fill them in.

And that was how it always was; always only ever when needed, only ever when they ought to know. When it came to being a spymaster, he had always done as he was instructed and never pried beyond that. This was why he hadn't known about the Spring Court, why he hadn't ever bothered to investigate it after the war.