You are the right person mo grá, but this is the wrong time. I won't stop loving you, I hope you dont either.
I hate myself. Well, this is a tiny hiccup from the whole, 'love myself' thing yeah? I am kissing my best friend. And he is kissing me back. He's my first kiss this lifetime. I'm his first. Theres no one but he and I in the whole world. Nothing else matters. I kissed him, he swiped his tongue over my lower lip asking for permission. I knew I would regret either choices. If I do grant him permission, getting over him will be a pain in the ass. But I will never ever be over him anyways. If I dont, I will miss out on this. Should I think of the future or live in the moment?
Well fuck it. Im 15. I think I can live my life for a couple minutes.
I dont give him permission. But I dont stop kissing him either. His hands glide over my body, taking in everything. As if remembering all my curves. His hands find my ass and he squeezes my ass, making me gasp. He plunged his tongue into the kiss. Exploring. We couldn't stop now. He was too far gone. I was too far gone. Holy fuck. This is way too good. Ugh. I will forever hate myself for this. I pushed him slightly off of me. Looking into his eyes, I could see pure joy. He was way too happy. I wanted to cry my fucking balls out. It wasn't supposed to happen. Not now. FUCK I HATE HORMONES.
"Wow. Il mio cuore, i'll talk to you later yeah? Meet me out in 15 minutes." (My heart)
He's sad. This is the only way I can get out of here, without breaking his heart more than I already am. UGH FUCK AUSTIN. REALLY. I HATE HIM.
He left. Wordlessly. But still smirking. Always positive. He will be the death of me I swear.
"Enough proof for you Austin?" He sat there. Jaw dropped. Confusion evident in his face. Why is he shocked? Unless he was sure I wasn't in a relationship. Who-
Regina.
This early on? How did they meet already? When I wasn't in school for the three weeks? Did she plan it? Holy shit. They planned it before everything. Im baffled, but I really shouldn't be. I shouldn't be surprised. I should have guessed it.
"Uh uh yeah- I'll just I'll leave-" He hurried out of the class. Damnit I had to deal with the whole monologue with Aidan. My fingers traced my lips. I had been kissed many times before in my last lifetime. But this- this wasn't just a kiss. This was a promise. A promise of forever. I dont break my promises. Neither does Aidan. I trust him. I shouldn't. But I do. Whats life without a little risk anyways, am I right? He's my risk. He's my gamble. He's my.
I went to our spot. It was a little tree on the left side of the bleachers on the smaller football grounds. It had Lillies and roses around it. Once when we were 12, just into middle school, which was connected to the high school we are in now, I told Aidan that my favourite flowers were lilies and roses. Lillies because they just sound and look really cool. I was 12. Roses because of its thorns. They can be loved despite the thorns. They are fierce. They are beauty. They are layered. They are an enigma. They are beautiful. Well, he payed off the school Gardner to plant the two flowers near a tree. Aidan takes care of the flowers. He gives it to me every week on a Sunday. They come in my room every other Sunday. I dont even know how he does it. Sometimes, the flowers would be in lockers, desk. Everywhere. I loved them. They were beautiful.
"Aidan?" I said, looking around. He was sitting under the tree.
"Do you regret it?" Voice laced with emotion. I could cry just listening to him.
"Im sorry"
"But im not- I love you Alessia, not in the way-" He started to ramble on.
"Aidan- Stop. I'm sorry but it wasn't a mistake. What you were about to say, me too" I cut him off
His smile could not be bigger even if he tried. Here comes the tough part. He was about to say something, I beat him to it.
"You are the right person mo grá. You are the one. I know. But this is the wrong time. I want to focus fully on my company before I get into anything. I won't stop loving you, I will wait for you to be a big successful man. A guy with Armani suits yeah? Rolex watches and a fat bank account. A huge house. And I want to be a big company business woman too ady. A woman with Prada, my own watches, a fatter account than yours. A mansion. I won't stop loving you Ady, I hope you dont either. I will wait for both of us." I was on the verge of crying.
"Is this about money? Bella, we have more than enough money and I know you dont care about money anyways"
"si tratta dell'indipendenza. si tratta del raggiungimento. si tratta del duro lavoro. si tratta di essere qualcuno, oltre al mio ragazzo o che io sia solo la tua ragazza. è il momento giusto. Adesso non è il momento giusto."
(it's about the independence. it's about the achievement. it's about the hard work. it's about being someone, other than just my boyfriend or me being just your girlfriend. its about the right time. Now is not the right time.)
"But it never will be mi amore, it never will be. What if it never is?" He said with tears threatening to spill out. I was in the same state.
"Alright, let's do a little pact yeah? We haven't done the infamous pinky finger in over a year" I said with a little giggle. He chuckled to that too.
"You sure Bella? The pinky finger? You might regret it" He tried to hide the pain in his words. I couldn't look at him. I would cry.
"Yeah bambino piccolo, now stop crying and make the pinky finger." I tried to sound intimidating. I think it might have worked. (little baby)
"Today is Ashlings 8th birthday right?"
"Yeaaahhh.."
"Well I promise to you, that in 8 years time, when Ashling turns 16, on her birthday party, If I come to you, and kiss you, we will be together. Only if you consent to it, and if you dont have a girlfriend or wife, obviously. In case you dont, however far off I might be in my career. Whatever might be the situation. I will be yours and you will be mine. Theres no backing out, so think about it."
This was in my plan. I knew that I couldn't loose him again. He couldn't wait for me forever. Asking him to do so, is wrong. Even though I would wait for him till my last breath, I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't let the only thing good in my life slip away from my grasp just because I am afraid of trusting people. But I also knew that for the next 8 years, I needed to make myself my priority. Selfish or self love? You decide.
"What if- what if you dont come? What would that mean?" A lone tear escaped his eye
"Well then mo grá, it just wasn't meant to be in this lifetime. I'll find you in another one, because I love you. I will love you forever"
"Even when forever runs out?"
"Fiú nuair a ritheann sé amach go deo" (Even when forever runs out)
A/N
Extra chapter because my dumbass forgot to update yesterday EVEN WHEN I MESSAGED THAT I WOULD. but its fine. OHOH
Aidans pov is next to next chapter. We also get to see a bit of Ashling in that chapter!
So excited eheheh
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Roses And Guns
Teen Fiction{NOT UPDATING ANYMORE} (INCOMPLETE STORY) She spent her whole life chasing after a guy, wanting love. Running after it. Desperately grasping at anything the man would give him, until he didn't. She was naive enough to think he loved her, so much so...
