No Control (Book 1)

6. She's Not Afraid

I stepped in front of Harry to walk down the hallway and felt him place his hand lightly on the small of my back. A slow burn spread slowly through my body, beginning from the point where his skin pressed gently against mine through the fabric of my top, and reaching every extremity. My fingertips tingled, my toes burned and the tip of my nose buzzed with heat. I didn't know how I kept my legs from shaking as I stepped into the kitchen, but it was as if my body knew how important it was NOT to make an idiot out of myself, and was somehow able to maintain a calm and cool exterior. Nobody had to know that inside my head a high pitched voice was screaming "Harry Styles is touching my back!"

"Another cocktail?" Harry suggested as we went over to the fridge.

"Only if you promise not to make it," I said, without thinking.

He raised an eyebrow at my cheek. "Do you promise not to throw it all over me this time?"

"I can't promise that," I said, shaking my head. "Especially if someone pushes into me, or you sneak up on me." Or I want you take your shirt off, I added in my head.

The slow smile spread across his face again. "I told you, you only have to ask."

My stomach dropped sharply as I realised with horror that I had spoken my private thoughts out loud. This time I knew the heat in my face was visible. There was only one way out of this now: keep cool and act like I had planned to say that.

"I haven't decided yet," I said nonchalantly, while my stomach twisted with nervous anticipation. "I'll let you know."

Harry grinned and turned back to the kitchen counter to resume his second attempt at a cocktail. I was glad of the minute's silence to gather my thoughts and remind myself that this was actually happening and it wasn't one of my daydreams. I thought back to our earlier conversation in the garden, and wondered what would have happened if Callie hadn't come outside at that exact moment. If it were any other guy I would have been certain that he had been making a move on me, but I needed to get real. This was Harry Styles from One Direction. He dated beautiful models and famous singers, not blonde insurance underwriters with a distinct lack of chill. He was without doubt a flirt - clearly it came as naturally to him as breathing. He was probably either completely unaware of the effect he was having on me, or he was fully aware and enjoying the attention. But it was then that I had a moment of clarity. I was never going to see him again after tonight - so what if I had misread the situation? I would get over it. It wasn't as if I would have to face him every day. I needed to lighten up and go with the flow. He was only human, just like the rest of us.

"Here, try this." Harry's voice broke my thoughts and I looked down to see him holding out a glass to me. I cautiously brought it up to my nose and sniffed it. It smelt delicious, and tasted just as good. Harry smiled at my reaction. "Have I redeemed myself?" he asked.

"I suppose," I said, coyly. "For now."

He winked at me. "Better make sure I behave myself then," he said. "Shall we go and sit down?"

We walked through the door into the lounge where the DJ was now playing Ellie Goulding's Love Me Like You Do. Harry manoeuvred us through the throng and found us a small two-seater sofa under the stairs way from the crowd. I was uncomfortably aware of people staring at us, or rather at Harry, so I was thankful he chose a quiet corner. I had never really been one for being in the spotlight.

"This is intense," I murmured, more to myself than to Harry.

"What is?" he asked.

"People staring," I explained. "Do you ever get used to it? Doesn't it bother you?"

"Sort of," he replied. "Without these people, I wouldn't have the job I do. But it can get tiring constantly having to watch what I say or do in case someone takes photo or video and sells it to the media. Or worse, posts it on Twitter so it goes viral in seconds."

"Yeah, Twitter's crazy," I nodded. "It must be weird having millions of people reading everything you write. I have, like, three followers or something."

Harry chuckled in amusement. "Three? Really?"

"Honestly!" I insisted. "Look." I pulled out my phone and opened up my Twitter app. I went to my page and held up the phone to show him. "See? Three followers."

"That's... phenomenal," he said, grinning at me. "I hope you don't feel the pressure."

"I try not to," I sighed dramatically, "but sometimes it all gets too much." I looked into his eyes as he laughed again, and my stomach cartwheeled. "I actually only changed my picture from that egg the other day," I added, and he laughed even harder at this.

"Who do you follow then?" he asked me, and I could tell instantly by the look on his face where he was going with this.

"Just a bunch of randoms," I said, noncommitally, darting my eyes away as I desperately tried to think of a way out of this.

"Like....?" he asked.

"Like.... random celebrities," I said, shifting uncomfortably and feeling the heat about to rise in my cheeks.

"Do you follow me?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.

"Um... dunno," I said, theatrically looking around the room. "Probably, I follow loads of people." The blush was creeping up my neck now.

He leaned towards me and rested his hand lightly on my knee. "I'm just teasing you," he said.

I turned my face towards his, my heart rate rocketing at his words and his touch, then escalating further when I realised how close his face was to mine. "I bet you tease all the girls," I murmured without thinking, staring at his soft lips and imagining how they would feel pressed against mine.

"Not all of them," he murmured back. The delicate scent of his aftershave filled the air between us, and my body seemed to be leaning involuntarily towards his, as though I had no control over my own movements. He was only a foot away now, close enough for me to see the flecks of jade in his irises; to feel the soft caress of his breath on my cheek. 

A gesticulation in my peripheral vision caught my attention and I became acutely aware of several people looking over at us, which brought me sharply to my senses. I sat up straight again and cleared my throat.

"So what brings you here tonight?" I asked, breaking the atmosphere between us.

He looked confused at the sudden change in conversation, but went with it. "I'm back for a week, in between touring," he replied. "I'm staying tonight in London and then heading up to see my family tomorrow morning. I wasn't really intending on coming here tonight, but my flight landed early so I thought I'd show my face for an hour before heading home to crash. I knew a couple of my friends would be here and I haven't seen them in weeks."

"So why are you hanging out here with me?" I asked, grinning at him so he knew I wasn't being rude.

"Well, Nick wanted a night on the town and I wasn't really up for that after a 12 hour flight," he explained. "He headed off a little while ago but I decided to stay behind for a bit and see what happened."

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so I was quite pleased when a girl about my age came striding over to us and asked Harry for a picture. "Excuse me for a minute," I said, starting to stand up so she could speak to him properly, with the intention of finding the bathroom. It was only once I was fully on my feet and my legs wobbled slightly that I realised I was more than tipsy - I was now feeling a bit drunk. Shit.