the boyfriend project

chapter8- losing you losing myself

That day we drifted apart. This summer has been crazy and there's only two more days of it. I look back on the events that happened this summer. The breakup with Adam, meeting Becky and sam, meeting Zack, spending time with my dad, to the kiss me and Zack shared to the fight we had yesterday. Adams return claiming he loved me. I look back in the window to see if there's anyone there but all I get is false hope. I ride home and lock myself in the bathroom. When I see myself in the mirror I don't see me anymore. I don't know who me is anymore. That was something Zack saw in me that I didn't... Me. I grab the scissors from out the medicine cabinet and cut my hair. The strands danced to the floor. Each slowly falling down onto the cold tile floor. I cut every shining black strand until my hair only goes down to my chin. Now all they'll see is me and not what's hidden behind the covers that hid my face. I'm done with trying to stop pain because when you try to stop pain ... You just get more of it. The boyfriend project is over. No more dating to not be dumped. Over the summer I didn't even go along with my plan. And its all thanks to Zack. If I hadn't met him I would have broken someone else's heart. And if I didn't meet Sam and Becky then I wouldn't have a friend to run to when in need. And I'm always glad to have my dad. But as i look back on the events that happened this summer. I lost it all in a week. I get the broom from out of the hallway closet and sweep up my fallen hair. Why was I so stupid not to listen to Becky and Sam? Why was I so scared to tell zack how I really felt? Why did I get so scared that he was going to break my heart all because Adam said so? I have all these questions but no answer. By losing myself I've lost you. I put up the broom and head to my room. I pick up my phone and check my messages. I have 3 missed calls from sam, 7 from my mom ,4 from becky, and 0 from zack. I throw my phone at the wall shattering the phone into pieces. There's no going back and there's no forward. I scream in sorrow as I slump over against the wall. I don't know who I am anymore. I've lost myself to a lie I told myself to protect my fragile selfish heart. That I didn't need to care about people to protect myself from getting hurt. But in the end it was all a lie.