Spurt Of Love ʜ.s ғᴀɴғɪᴄ

•I'm staying if you're staying•

"Should we go to my place?" I ask him with a stern voice but I keep a smile on my face as we're walking down the street, the club at our distance now.

The cold breeze blowing on my face as it gradually evaporates the alcohol from my body. I can feel the nervousness sweep in with every step I take. Literally 10 minutes ago I was tasting his tongue out of sheer confidence but maybe it was just alcohol.

He hasn't said a word. Didn't even answer my question for a good amount of minute and every second of that uncomfortable silence is making me drown into shame and pain. I can't explain it but I start to feel the panic built in as I look back at remnants of the night. I feel sick to my core. What have I done? Why am I doing this? Every inch of my body is screaming to run. I wanna run away from his tricks and plays. He could be like Adrian. No wait, he could be worse than Adrian. Then why am I not running?

I feel the moisture built in my eyes. Fuck not this again. I'm not crying! Not for him! I mean he didn't cheat and he can do whatever the fuck he wants but this feeling of betrayal is killing me. I stripped my emotions for him and what next? I see him running hands over dicks and cunts? And he promised me that he'll be there for me. He made me feel safe....and....and loved and I fell for it. Stupidly.

"Harr-" I was planning on raising my voice a little because I had enough of it.

"I'm sorry. It was...I wasn't..." Harry mumbles cutting me off.

"Stop. You don't have to be sorry for shit. We're nothing Harry" I say maintaining my stern voice and holding back my tears.

"No but I want us to be-" Harry quickly says.

"NO I SAID STOP! Stop embarrassing yourself with these horrible pick up lines. You want a fuck? I'll give it to you. Just stop saying this without meaning it. I've had enough of this. I'm not falling for it again" I say cutting him off as I look at him with anger. Saying it out loud was less directed towards him and more to remind me what I should be doing.

"No. I- please trust me I meant everything I said Jane. I was missing you." He says grabbing my arm softly.

"Harry- I-" I take a loud breath as I try to calm myself down. He wasn't cheating on you Jane. Just get it together.
"I really mean it when I say you don't have to pretend" I say softly, with a clear tone so he knows that he doesn't have to do this.
"I don't even know why you're doing this" I say letting out a laugh.
"And it's not helping me Harry. It really isn't. It- It only breaks me in a...fucking gazillion pieces" I look at him with sad eyes.
"Just please be honest here. Just tell me what you want"

"You. You Jane. Please just hear me out. I'm so sorry. But just hear me out. I'm not lying" He said, panicking.

"I'm here. And i'll trust you. As much as i tell myself not to, i will. I'm begging you to be honest that's all i want" I say putting my hand on his and he relaxes under the touch. We're standing in the middle of the alley. Street lights illuminating the vision around us.

I can see his eyes close under the touch. His chest rises from the deep breath he takes.

"I was missing you" He says opening his eyes and staring deep in mine. He could be lying but I know he's not. Either I'm beyond stupid or this is real.

"And I get this...this...sorta void hole in me and I...I couldn't bear it" he runs his hands in circles around his chest.
"I respect you more than anything Jane and I really want to keep this pace. I want us to take our time because I really like you. Cross my heart I really mean it Jane" He lets out a nervous laugh.

"And...." He takes a long pause as I keep looking at him to notice any signs of dishonesty but I can't find any. His facial muscles are not tense at all and he's calm. Yes I can see nervousness on him but maybe that's because he's just trying his best to let it all out. The way he speaks, it makes me feel as if he'd rather die than lie to me. Each word is like a therapy of it's own.