Fly me to the moon

Fly me to the moon 7

Darcy,
Ella was still wiggling her eye brow when i turnes from the door. I can't believe I've made such a big fool of myself in the past 24 hours.
I'd started yesterday with an unnecessary fight with Ava. Ava was being her usual annoying, nerve-wracking self but I just couldn't take it. to be honest I was quite happy when I'd left it yesterday. the announcement of the hunt had kept me on edge. word on the street is the winning team gets to know the something valluble of the school. At least I thought I was excited when I went to meet krisha by the editor's office before I saw Mike and Krisha. I almost thought they were kissing when i first took a look at them. mike's hand was gripping Krisha's shoulders tightly while they were staring, no gazing at each other, lost in each others eyes. after a while Mike said something that made her smile and he walked away to the field with smug grin which I wanted to slap out of his face.

When I'd returned to my room I found Ava waiting for me. No, not waiting for me, but ruining my room. Every book I owned was jumbled and scattered around my room while ava was going through my journal which I record or more I say scribble whatever that comes to my mind.

I have never let anyone go through that which Ava knows yet it seemed her curiosity git the best of her.

"Now I understand why you never let anyone go through this" Ava said as she rised her eyes to me.

I stood there silently trying to control the oncoming wave of rage. No one, I've literally let no one see my journal. it is almost like baring my own heart and soul to someone to show them my writings, views, morals. to open that book and give it to someone is like giving that person a loaded gun to point at my heart, to let that person choose to either untangle the mess of my some and look at it in its most vulnerable or to shame me as a mess.

"This looks like the work of a madman" Ava continued amusement and boredom flicking in our eyes.

to not only look through my journal but to laugh at it! I was shaking with uncontrollable fury. I gritted my teeth to calm myself, my hands had automatically clenched in my side, shoulders stiffened and the amount of restraint I had to implement on myself was increasing by the second.

"Get out" i growled out.

"What" Ava blinked.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Room" I enunciated.
Realisation dawned upon her face as she realised she'd really crossed a line this time. She slowly got up "I'm really sorry Darce, I didn't mean to hurt you" she said in a low voice.

"Well, you did. Now get out!" I told with barely restrained anger.

She came to me and put her hand on my arm and squeezed but I moved away the very next second as if her touch was poison which caused her to flinch, guilt pooling in her eyes." I really am sorry. I'll go now and call me once you've cooled down" she said and walked out the door.

Releasing a long sigh, I moved towards my bed where the note was kept clenching and unclenching my hands. The note was a plain, ordinary hardcover journal with gridded-lined I took the note, my own barred soul, in my hands and opened the first page were a latin quote was written.

"Pulvis et umbra sumus" the page read.

I'd first gotten the notebook in my junior year. Over the course of years I'd scribbled lines, passages, poems from the books I'd read both fiction and non-fiction. I'd written my thoughts and feelings in there. Criticism of books that are famous and infamous. The book still had at least 30 pages and I had no hurry to fill it.
The feelings of peace and belonging that came with writing the things down from my brain was a comfort I often turned to. Most of it was written in black ink. Black, the colour of nothing and everything. black, the colour of beginning and ending. Black, the colour of my soul and the colour of my emotions. Flipping through the book but not concentrating on the writing will only reveal a blurb of black streaks on the semi-white gridded pages.

The way Ava insulted the note hit me hard some where deep. even though  a part of me understood how knuckle-headed Ava can be the other part couldn't be unrussled by the fact that i couldn't fit in had always hurt me. as time takes toll i feel bad for yelling at ava. but i couldn't bring myself to call her or apoligize. the wound of her words were still fresh, after all.  i got up from my bed uable to rest my mind and the next thing i know i'm shimming into me denim jacket.

i got out of my room, my destination unclear in my mind anad start walking. maybe i'd head to ella's room. but that thought rapidly blocked since ella would be at practice. but i i headed to her room either way. i thought maybe i'd hang out with krisha and she will change my mood. it was pizza night after all.

before i'd known it i was in front of her dorm room i'd rapped on her door twice and wicked for her to open up. after a few long seconds she'd opened. when she'd seen me leaning on her door she was blankly staring at me.

"you're soaking wet!" she exclaimed. of course, the rain was a welcomed distraction when i'd left my dorm. infact i loved soaking in rain.

"i never said i was warm and cosy." i'd answered and barged into her room uninvited. i'd hung out in their room enough to always have left a spare set of clothes and there is also always a few sets of their clothes in my dorm too. well, mostly ella's. krisha is usually careful of the london weather even though it's physically impossible to predict.
reminding the ever forgetting krisha about pizza night while changing into my spare set of clothes i'd found out that krisha was hanging out with her friend aalia. i remembered her from india. in fact she was one of the very few girls who were nice to me. i was happy that krisha was still in touch with her old friends. from what ever i remembered i knew that aalia was krisha's ella.

and i still couldn't fathom how fast time passed. we'd end up watching two movies; one, a sad romcom retelling and the other a thriller, during which i'd found my shoulder to be numb only to turn around and find a sleeping krisha. she'd already said she was too tired to sit through another movie but i'd forced her through it because of the fact that i couldn't or didn't want to part and go back to my room to be all alone yet.

feeling guilty, i'd let her doze and continued watched the movie. i don't remember when i'd dozed off. hell! i don't remember anything but melting at the kitten's, oops! krisha's soft face when i'd found her sleeping, the little frown and that single uplifted eyebrow relaxed, her all seeing eyes closed while her eyelashes constantly fluttered against her cheek.
letting ella and her wiggling eyebrows alone i walked out of her dorm and started marching towards my dorm. my roommate, Fin was a sophomore who was desperately struggling to transfer to his girlfriend's college so that they can be together and hence he was rarely at the dorm, staying either at his girlfriend's or at the library trying harder to get that college transfer approval.

i open my room door to find a rectangular piece of paper lying face down. i turn the card which reads "SORRY! - AVA."