The Ultimate Emo Crossover

Baptize me, Daddy

Sebastian walks past his mother and the three follow awkwardly behind him--especially Robert, who has no idea what he's in store for.

"Good evening to you, Miss," Robert nods.

Sebastian immediately is pissed off. "Don't say hi to her. Don't fucking say hi to her. Listen, buddy, I don't know how they do things in England, but you don't fucking do that shit here."

Robert frowns. "I've been living here for six years, I think it's perfectly fine to--"

"'Ello boys," Robin jumps in, ignoring them both. She pulls a set of keys from behind her, like a cartoon, and hands them to Sebastian. "Dungeon's all ready. Just cleaned it for ye."

He takes them. "If I see one fucking speck of dust I swear to god, mom."

She promptly smacks him with the frying pan, right on the ass. "Oh, crikey, Seb! Like you give a damn about hygiene--ye still got shit stains on the corners of ye mouth!" She lets out a wild laugh.

Robert appears to internally collapse. "Oh, dear."

Downstairs, they walk into the dungeon. Andy and Robert look around in disbelief. There is floor to ceiling red and black carpeting. Ropes, a swing, chains and whips, a whole table with an array of vegetables laid out. At least half a million dollars had to be put into this, but where that came from--nobody can know for sure.

Taylor is unphased, because he's been here before, but this hurts Andy, who didn't even know the room existed.

"Why can't your room ever be this clean?" Andy snaps.

Sebastian shrugs. "It's only where I sleep."

"Only where you sleep..." Robert whispers.

"Why haven't you ever told me about this, hm?" Andy says, bringing the room to silence.

"You're not kinky."

Andy scoffs. He scoffs again. "Not kinky? Who are you kidding?"

"No," Sebastian replies, calm and collected. "You like to think you are, but you're not."

Andy remains frozen. "You don't know that."

"Yeah, I've only fucked you thirty plus times."

When Taylor sees Andy's fists clench, he rips his shirt off. The three turn and look at him, confused. He had only did it in half a second. "Boys, let's get started. The tension's building again, and somebody's gonna get hurt."

A beat.

"Why do you look like that shirt of a really hairy guy's chest that people wear as a joke?" Andy says.

Taylor sighs like he's had to explain this so many times. "The modern day werewolf can't shapeshift, can't climb trees, can't fight vampires--they're just really hairy."

"But you're not even...you were just acting...I'm so confused."

MEANWHILE...

Andy may not have previously known about this room, but I certainly did.

Elliot, here. I know, hard to recognize me. I've been working hard on my R Kelly persona so that I look less like a schoolgirl fresh off her first trip to Jamaica and more like R himself.

I may be a sort of reverse Michael Jackson, if you will. Some may take offense, but Jersey Shore had been doing it for years! At least I'm not like those pitiful people who put down R for simply being black! This nonsense about sex slaves must have been entirely fabricated! Dear.

There was really no other way to do this. Since the sex dungeon did not have windows, I had to sneak in and crouch in the corner. This is very difficult when you're 6'4--to emphasize my height once again--so I had to hide myself in one of those 'gimp' suits, although because of my stature, it didn't fit properly, and came up to the middle of my shins, exposing my ankles. It was one of those suits with the zippered up face, and my, it was getting hard to breath--although it was useful at blocking out the smell of what was going on.

The scene before me seems to transform every few minutes--Taylor, chained up like a dog being forced to watch as Andy is hung upside down and repeatedly baptized, Sebastian, rubbing butter all over himself as Robert holds a heat lamp over him to let him fry, Taylor and Robert getting into an imaginary vampire/werewolf fight which just consisted of them smacking each other's wrists and hissing in the very lispy way that seems normal for gay males, as Andy self-harmed in the corner, and as Sebastian attempted to untie himself underwater, Houdini style, and Robert roleplaying as Kristen Stewart, leading everyone to become immediately turned off.

But oh, I might just be hallucinating from lack of oxygen, but something told me this was all real. But for the first time, I wonder why I'm taking notes for such a thing and if any of this is of any relevance to my research, or how and when did my writing career take a plunge as I wonder how I ended up here.

I wondered how these boys were involved in such a fascinating case like this, yet all they did was fornicate themselves non-stop!

Then there is the climax, and I'm regretting coming here, truly, when their ejactulation shoots out in unison after waxing off each and every one of their pubes at once.

Yes, shoots. Onto the ceiling, onto the walls, and onto me.

Now, I really did congratulate myself for sticking it out--after all, it was not myself to blame for getting caught.