The Ultimate Emo Crossover

Those Goth Girls, Man...

Andy and Sebastian walk down the cobblestone street downtown, almost hand in hand.

Andy reaches for Sebastian's hand. Sebastian swats it away without even looking.

"Miss me with that gay shit," he says.

Andy blinks and for a moment is silent. "I'm so fucking confused."

The sun is shining, as it usually does, the birds are singing, as they always do, and Abigail does interpretive dance over a random headstone in the graveyard while yodeling like a banshee, as she usually does.

Sebastian stops in his tracks forty feet away. Andy walks ahead of him two more steps before stopping too, as he curiously looks at Sebastian's widened eyes.

He sighs. "She's so cool."

Andy looks back at Abigail. She wears a 80's looking leotard, a flower in her purple hair, has full red lips, and pale skin, like a Snow White who discovered Reddit. He watches as she grabs a fistful of dirt and shoves it in her mouth.

"Who is she?" Andy asks.

"That's Abigail," Sebastian doesn't take his eyes off her. "I've had a crush on her since middle school. She's just like, really quirky."

Andy sighs, now watching as she takes out a bottle of mustard and squirts it all over herself. "Embrace your inner sandwich," she almost sings, waving her arms in dance again.

"Real quirky, yeah," says Andy. "I just feel like I'm watching really weird porn."

"Yeah," Sebastian sighs, missing the sarcasm, "Really quirky...I think she has a tattoo of the phases of the moon on her foot. So hot."

"So," Andy says, trying to get to the point so they can move on, "Why aren't you with her?"

Sebastian tenses up, now deciding to look at Andy. "She's with my best friend."

Andy's eyes go wide. "Oh, man. That's rough."

"Yeah, no shit."

"No need to get bitchy."

"My best friend, Sam," Sebastian goes on ignoring Andy, looking again at Abigail, glassy eyed, "Stole her away from me. She was in the audience the last night our band played together. Just the two of us. We were trying out a Simon and Garfunkel thing. I had an orange afro at the time and everything."

Andy frowns. He can't picture it, no matter how hard he tries.

"And he had the audacity to wink at her during my rendition of Hello Darkness my Old Friend--I made it into a screamo song, if you're wondering, before you even started that shit--"

Of course, he just had to get an insult in, Andy thought.

"And before I know it, they're both having weird Buddist tantra sex in my dressing room. Like, grunting like apes. Apparently that's part of it? 'Channeling your inner primate...'"

Andy squints, "It seems like she kinda says that about everything."

"They went so hard with the monkey shit that they started throwing their own shit at me when I walked in," Sebastian starts tearing up, "My own best friend threw his shit at me." A tear falls down his eye, and he runs into Andy's arms. Andy blinks, taken aback, but willingly embraces him, rubbing his back, his face in Sebastian's hair.

"Don't touch me!" Sebastian yells a moment later, pulling away.

Andy frowns. "Okay?"

Sebastian marches up to her, a completely different expression on his face. "Hey, Yoko," he sneers.