2 | Hope it's just a phase

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Zemira


"I think he's coping with what happened to him," Dad said, looking outside the window as if he was in a car and not in the air. Thanks to Kiera's help, we were able to secure a private jet for the journey. "Men process issues differently than women."

"You heard him, Dad." I leaned into my seat, unbuckling my seatbelt when the signs went off after takeoff. "I heard him too. It was Leo's voice."

Even though we left soon after the nurse informed us about Leo's absence, I knew better than to trust her.

What I did trust was my hearing. I heard Leo's voice, loud and clear. What I didn't understand was the reason he was lying.

"I'm not saying Leo wasn't inside, kiddo." Dad offered me a glass of water while he stretched his legs and walked around. "What I am saying is that there must be a grave reason for him to not see you."

Only a couple of weeks ago, my newly built world came crashing down after I received Leo's letters and came to know of the attack. Still unaware of the magnanimity of his injuries, I assumed the worst.

Maybe he was disfigured. Maybe he went blind and would never be able to see me again.

When I boarded the plane to Maryland after Dad's contacts confirmed the hospital Leo was admitted to, anxiety gripped my senses. My heart pounded throughout the journey, convincing me the worst was about to happen.

And it did. Leo didn't want to meet with me.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Dad. I don't know what I should give to get him to talk."

"Time."

When I looked up, he smiled, although I could still see a hint of grey-shaded worry lingering behind his softened eyes.

"What Leo needs now is time. And that's harder to give than anything else."

I gave him time.

For three months when he was away, I gave time for him to realize he loved me. Then I gave him time to come back to me. He couldn't. He was injured. I gave him time to heal before hopping on a plane to visit him.

Now, more time...

After everything we underwent - suffering through the pangs of heartbreaks, of depression taking me under and death almost taking him away - we were now separated by time.

"How much... time?" Yet again, I accepted Dad's proposition. "Is there an upper limit to this time?"

Look at me, bargaining like a woman at a bazaar.

I was haggling for some reduction, some discount.

"My darling child." Dad chuckled. "If you put an upper limit to the time and space you give someone, it's called an ultimatum."

I tried to understand but couldn't. My mind was in chaos. The solace I found in knowing Leo loves me had turned to dust. I was parched of his scent, of hearing his voice. Of wanting to hold him against my skin and feel the warmth of his body.

He was my pole star, my true north, navigating me through the lonely nights of my life.

Inside the sun-streaming aircraft, I felt darkness creep into me. Leo's voice that I'd heard in the hospital hammered inside my head.

Was this how love was supposed to make one feel?

Dad walked over to the bar, pulling a corked bottle that made a soft plop sound upon opening. He poured the amber-colored contents into two glasses and fished for ice from the steel bucket.

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