Learn to Love Again || Loki X Reader

Part Four

You

A simple ring of the doorbell to your apartment shook you to an alert state. You had been fading in and out of consciousness, purely out of boredom. You found not much else to do than sleep and watch movies and TV shows. You had work tomorrow, just your bland 9-5 job. Dreary, really. You'd rather not talk about it too much. 

You found that aside from... obvious matters, your weekend had so far been quite alright. It was nice, having time to yourself. Being by yourself was a familiar feeling, with growing up as an only child. Bouts of loneliness were a given, and you had learnt to deal with such things as you grew older- finding ways to entertain and strengthen your mind, never letting it gather cob webs. Your mind was and is a precious thing, and you didn't want to ruin it or let it fall into a state of compliancy. Simple mind teasers were always a nice way to pass the time, and exploring new subjects were a sure way to nitpick at your brain and gain new skills. 

Amy had fortunately decided to give you your much needed space after she left a couple of day ago. Amy knew you very well- you weren't the type of person to find comfort in sharing everything at once to one person. You needed and thrived off a routine like way, where you would share parts at a time, giving yourself, namely your mind, all the space it needed to process every part of the predicament. You liked your critical and analytical thinking style- it worked best in logical scenarios, and also well in emotional ones, where your head led your heart, not the other way 'round. Your heart was a bottomless trap, one that which even yourself could fall into. That was the last thing you wanted. 

You had slowly comes to terms with the fact that maybe Loki wouldn't ever come back, like he had said- and you had tried to let any 'of the moment' regrets calm down. You were starting to get sick of the random times where your heart would ache for the one man who you couldn't have- not that you had wanted him too much in the first place. A massive part of you still wanted the raven-haired beauty to walk through your apartment door and explain every last one of his intentions towards you, but a small trickle of feeling knew that you would eventually have to live with not knowing- one of the feelings you hated most in life. 'Curiosity killed the cat', people would say. but you knew satisfaction brought it back, having felt the wonderous thing yourself in a variety of places and times. But sadly, that small trickle of feeling was growing larger. 

You continued to dwell on your emotions for a little while longer. Until, of course, you heard that ring of the doorbell. The sound of the doorbell wasn't unpleasant, the opposite, actually. The ring was soft yet still alerted you to the outsider just on the other side of that wooden door. You groaned, not feeling ready to get up, before swinging the door open as dramatically as you could to see who it was. 

And of course it had to be the one person you were trying to block in your head. The one person who created this sudden stressful situation in the first place. As soon as you try to forget even a bit about him...

Loki, the God of lies stood on your bloody doorstep. Fucking hell. 

Loki 

Loki didn't have a clue on how to approach this. On how to approach you. 

Normally, of course, he would easily have a solution. He was quite used to worming his way of sticky situations without getting even a slap on the wrist. It was his specialty, and Loki was always sure to use it whenever he could, even to the annoyance of the people around him. They were just jealous anyway. 

But when it came to you, he found himself lost for words. An escape route no longer appealed to him when he was with you. It made him feel vulnerable, in a good way, like he was finally opening up about himself, finally getting someone to understand everything that he's been through. And getting your story in return would fill a hole in his soul. Loki would know that you trust him then. 

Someone, trusting him. Loki had half a mind to scoff at the thought. Which he almost did, had he not been standing outside of your door.  

The God had mixed feelings about this. What if he was going back too fast, and would end up making everything worse, with the rawness of him leaving still fleeting in your mind. But then he thought that the longer he waited, the worse it would be. You could move on. 

And that was the last thing that he ever wanted you to do. Surely, you were his soulmate. And he was yours. 

Loki almost laughed to himself as he pondered outside your door, the welcome mat greeting him. This was completely unlike him. Maybe you would even think that he was someone else, not the God you originally knew, but just a random person who looked like the God, but actually just had the wrong room and was meant to be next door with his friends. 

Well, this is it. Loki reached for your doorbell, his pointer finger hovering over the small button, waiting for something, anything to happen so he wouldn't have to do it right then. But the God eventually mustered up the courage and rang the bell. 

He heard the muffled shuffle of feet from beyond the door and then felt the wind go past his face as you open the door with a flourish. you quirk and eyebrow, but Loki sees behind the small mask of disassociation that you put up. You're confused, wanting to know why he out of all people are here, at your doorstep. You're scared, because you don't know what's going to happen next. And a small, very tiny part of you in the back of your eyes suggests a profound longing. You still want him, but you're hurt. 

It would take time to love him again. Especially after all you've been through. 

"What... w-what are you doing here? "You stutter. It's cute. Loki gives a small smile to seem more friendly. It works a little. You relax slightly, your shoulders dropping a margin. "You know what? Just come in," you open the door wider, and Loki moves inside silently. Your presence gives a feel of defeat. Your heart is injured, and you want the truth. You don't know for sure your feelings about the man in front of you, but you're sure that it isn't love. Not truly, and definitely not at the moment. Your lovingness, or what was there of it in the first place, with Mark in the background, had dropped. At this time, your heart was a cold stone, and Loki couldn't fit through the cracks. Your eyes showed promise, however. You wanted to see his true colours. You wanted to take a journey with him, see him for what he is, in all of Loki's glory. Then, and only then, could you possibly find yourself with him again. 

It would be a hard road, but Loki was willing. 

You 

You had no clue what to think. Loki turning all of a sudden changed your thoughts entirely. He had hurt you, yes, but you knew somewhere that he was willing to change. You could see it in his forest green eyes of his. Such beautiful eyes. 

Loki sits on your messy couch, though there's no judgement. You weren't even sure that he noticed the small bits of popcorn and the like all over the furniture. He only had eyes for you. He wanted to show you that he was sorry. It was so unlike him that if it weren't for his eyes, you might have left him at the doorstep, giving him directions to the nearest exit, or to call a friend to make sure he got the apartment number correct. 

You weren't sure what would be unraveled when Loki opens his mouth. But you knew for sure that it would not be pretty. It was be the hard, plain truth. You hoped that you were ready to accept it. 

You closed your door slowly, biding yourself time to collect and gather yourself before turning to him, the harsh reality. 

"Start from the start." You demand was simple, and Loki nodded in understanding. He patted the cushion next to him, and after a moment's hesitation, you took his offer, plopping yourself down in the seat after brushing the loose kernels off. 

This would take a while.