Hoe Tales

Not All That Glitters is Goldie Cont.

I had money, a lot of money, money I had saved over the years, money Lee had put aside for me and wages from Trident that I hardly ever had to touch. I had a car. A nice apartment. The best in clothes and shoes. I had everything anyone could want and despite that, I was on the floor and nobody cared. Did I blame them? People had never really been consistent or good to me. I didn't blame them for not helping me because I didn't expect better.

"She wake up from morning?"

The bright sunlight burned my eyes, I could hardly see, panic hit me. I jumped up, or at least I was trying, my hands and legs were tied. Where was I? Why did it hurt so much? And what was wrong with my eyes? I started to scream.

"She wake around 3:40 inna the night."

"Guh get the doctor, quick quick."

"Yuh know seh she nuh like when people bodda har!"

"Gwaan still, she seh she want to see har when she wake."

That was only one memory, I had a few of them. Each of them saw me waking up unaware and afraid before passing out from exhaustion or medication. I don't know if God was blessing or spiting me. My injuries ranged from tiny bruises to broken ribs but somehow my internal organs were spared. Maybe God knew that I was done and decided I would have to live and face the consequences of my actions. Maybe God saw something more in me, something worth saving. I was never a Christian, and I couldn't even begin to understand how God worked. I just knew that I was alive and no amount of asking why or how would make it any clearer.

After a week in the hospital I was discharged. Beds were always in short supply and there was nothing else they could do for me. All that was left to do was to rest and wait on my body to heal itself. I was happy to leave, I couldn't stand people feeling sorry for me. The constant whispers and stares from staff and other patients drove me insane.

"Yuh see har? Yes dah one deh, smaddy beat out har rass an lef har fi dead. Poor gyal look like she all mad to cah docta a ask har question and she jus a flip up and gwaan till dem affi tie har dung."

"All now nuhbody nuh come look fi har? Lawd God!"

"A wonder if she come from Portland? No sah, and nuhbody nah come look fi har? A muss smaddy from town or suh come look fi man. Dem young girls here, dem a lef fram all ova the island fi guh meet up wid man weh dem nuh know."

There were so many assumptions about me, none of them true. Because I was restrained, most people thought I was mad and didn't even try to hide that they were speaking about me. I was happy to go. But I didn't know where I was going to. I couldn't stay in my apartment. I went there only with the intentions of packing a bag and going to the Tim Bamboo hotel until I found something more permanent.

"Jesas chile!"

Miss Cherry was the neighbor that knew everyone and treated everyone like her family. She had a bad knee, and she struggled to get off her veranda to come and meet me.

"My god, a nearly dead when a find you. You wouldn't wake up!" Miss Cherry wrapped her arms around me. "Mi glad fi see yuh. The landlord fix the door but the place still tear up."

I couldn't understand the kindness of the woman. I had never been particularly good to her, yes I had given her a ride into the town or to the clinic but that was when I was going out and headed in the direction already.

"Come a help you clean up, you can hardly walk good, much less tek on dat alone."

"Mi nah stay Miss Cherry, mi just a get some things"

"Oh, you going to stay with family?"

"No, mi a guh down a Tim Bamboo guh get a room, mi nuh waah stay inna the apartment"