29.10.2020

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A new day emerges, and I plunge into the depths of the abyss. I strive to tread the fragile line of existence, despite the storm that haunts me. I yearn for tranquility, for moments of respite, to remind myself of who I am and why I search in a tumultuous world, drowning in illusions.

Yet within me, the relentless echo of voices refuses to cease. They resonate like a mad chorus, giving birth to a dissonant song that consumes me to my core. I must dispel this merciless siege, restore the lost harmony. But even in moments of stillness, a tumultuous dream clouds my thoughts, hurling me into the abyss of my own being.

An unknown power haunts my soul, an unquenched fire that refuses to be extinguished. Yet the pills that once brought solace now seem devoid of strength. Like a talisman that has lost its luster, they lose their charm and leave me vulnerable to the storms within.

Before opening my eyes, my searching hands tremble in the darkness, longing to touch something tangible, something that can anchor me to reality. Desperately, I seek the pendant given to me by my mother, the jewel that grants me identity, the uniqueness that does not waver in the fever of my dreams. Deep within my heart, I hope to find a salvific memory, a radiant beacon that can dispel the threatening shadows.

In my fervent search, I upend the entire universe within me, wreaking havoc in the chaos of my inner self. I resemble an angry god shaking heaven and earth until, finally, I find the treasure hidden in the depths of an aquarium. I gather my soul and hold it tightly in my palms, feeling the pulse of life pulsating within.

I awaken once again, for the four thousand seven hundredth time. How many more days must I struggle in the darkness of this existence, awaiting the moment when I no longer feel ensnared by suffering? How long will I continue to feel like a stranger among ordinary people?

My gaze remains fixed upon my wretched reflection, the bathroom mirror becoming a cruel testament to the distortions of my soul. I am crushed by disgust and horror, and closing my eyes does not provide the shield I crave against my desolate self.

In a devastating fit of rage, my phone becomes a victim of my untamed fury. I shatter it into small pieces, each sound of its dissolution intoxicating me with sinister pleasure. What purpose does it serve in my world, when everything seems so futile and devoid of meaning?

I sprawl on the cold floor of the bathroom, my body exhausted, searching in each fragment of memory for the lost thread of the previous day. I wrench my soul from its darkness and force it to lean over me, to remind me of the suffering that has shaken me. Finally, I rise from the abyss of helplessness and prepare myself for a new day. Although life may appear as a cruel theater, where I find myself playing an imposed role, I must continue to dance through this existence, pretending as if nothing has happened...

With each passing moment, I find solace in forbidden pages, in the dormant words of rebels and dreamers who refuse to submit to the inhumane norms of society. Those forbidden writings become for me a balm for my thirsting soul, a guide in the meticulous study of my own beliefs about the world and myself.

Thus, I immerse myself in this turbid water of forbidden words, letting my soul float on their mad waves and allowing myself to be carried away by their suffocating current. In a fervor of passion and pain, I nourish myself with daring thoughts and their subversive rebellion. I delve into my dark and poetic world, where words merge with my soul, forming a symphony of despair and hope.

In the forbidden words, I find the necessary solace, the light that pierces the darkness, and the courage to transcend the apparent void of my existence. And in the exploration of my own convictions and truths, I become the architect of my own destiny in the midst of a mad and magical universe.

In the shadow of the night, my words dance, enveloped in the dramas and emotions of the characters that come to life on empty pages. Each letter is like a musical note in a tragic symphony, and the sentences intertwine to create a captivating and heartrending story.

My hero, accompanied by the shadows of the past and deep wounds, battles his own destiny. With carefully chosen words and intricate metaphors, I describe his internal struggles and his desperate attempts to rise above the surrounding adversities. His liberation, like mine, lies within the forbidden pages, in the lines that defy the rules and norms of a rigid world.

Life, this mysterious journey, appears to me as a tragicomedy, where our characters stumble and anguish in search of meaning. Each moment is a new chapter, filled with nuances and challenges that push us to explore the depths and heights of existence.

With every sunrise, with every heartbeat, we are surrounded by an overwhelming symphony of life. We embark on its endless waves, with warm embraces and bitter tears, in an endless quest for joy and wisdom.

There are moments of ecstatic happiness when everything seems to shine in vibrant colors and sings in perfect unison. In those moments, we feel enveloped by life's tender embrace, savoring each breath as a blessing.

We confront uncertainties and trials that test our inner strength and courage. In those moments, we feel like pawns in the hands of a merciless destiny, in our struggle to maintain balance and rediscover ourselves amidst the storms.

But it is precisely in those dramatic and terrifying moments that we discover our true inner power. We rise above the burdens and face adversity with courage and dignity. We find ourselves in deep connection with others, in compassion and in a love that defies all limits.

Life is an ever-unfolding work of art, with each experience serving as a brushstroke on the tapestry of time. Every encounter, every loss, every laughter, and every tear are splashes of color on the canvas of our lives.

Thus, in this uplifting tone, I continue to lose myself and find myself in the story of life. I admire and feel grateful for each moment, each twist of fate. Through each experience, I grow and evolve, contributing my unique part to the grand tapestry of human existence.

Life is a fleeting art, and I am an artist of my own journey, painting with vibrant colors and words full of emotion on the canvas of my life. In each moment, I learn to gaze into the depths of my soul and dance in harmonious steps along the uncertain path of this wondrous adventure called life.

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