My Mistake ⌲ River Phoenix

6; a crack in the door

"Why didn't you say anything?" Rio asked me, his voice beginning to crack - his sense of panic became clearly audible.

"It was a set plan way before I even met you..." I muttered sheepishly. My eyes avoided his.

"Where are you going?"

"France."

"Do you even speak French?"

"Not as much as I'd like, but enough to get by," I mumbled, suddenly aware of the hole I had imprinted on this boy's delicate heart. But, unfortunately, that's how I am - and I've come to terms with it. I open up then you never hear from me again. I guess I learned that disappearing act from my parents.

"Is that where you want to be?" He asked, his lips curling down into a sad frown. I shook my head.

"Not necessarily... Just looking for some inspiration, really. I've always wanted to see the Mona Lisa," I started to explain as we began to walk around the ranch. "I think it would be good for me to get out - travel - and just be one with my art."

"You must be a true artist then - there's no way to accomplish something worthwhile without some sort of muse... I mean, that's how I feel with my music. Everything in the world inspires me," he explained in a hopeful tone. Despite this, it seemed as if the night became colder when I had told him the disheartening news. I didn't want to hurt him... but, at the same time, he barely knows me.

"I completely agree. And, I guess If I've got any good traits from my parents - it's my longing for travel... but, it's not like they are anything special to me anymore."

"Are your parents not around?" He asked, his curious eyes widening at mine. I shook my head.

"They haven't been for a while now. Just me and Carmen," I said - soon feeling the atmosphere become awkward. It was obvious he couldn't really understand. He must have some big, happy, picture-perfect family.

"Here, I'll walk you home," he said shortly after checking his watch. It was late.

Through the whole walk, it remained silent. I didn't know how to explain it to him that I couldn't be the girl he needed me to be. I barely knew him, anyway. Finally, he broke the silence.

"Can I at least come with you to the airport?" I looked up at him - watching as little lines etched around his cheeks as he smiled. He was real handsome when I stopped and stared.

"Of course you can."

As we neared my apartment front door, I hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. It was my sign of gratitude, for giving me this faint feeling of happiness - even if it's fleeting. I don't know how I would bear saying goodbye to him tomorrow.

~

The inevitable morning soon broke through my black curtains as I sat myself up. The first day of the beginning of my new life was here. It was a refreshing, reassuring feeling knowing that I had finally made enough money to move to Europe and pursue my dreams. Before I could think, however, I heard a knock at my door. Carmen went to open it.

"Well, if it isn't the River Phoenix," she greeted with underlying agitation. "Here to bother my little sister again?" She laughed and I stood at the entrance to my room, watching his silhouette come closer through a crack in the door.

"Rio..." I mumbled, eyeing the bouquet of blue freesias, violets, and clementines he handed out to me. I then slowly placed them in a vase on the kitchen table.

"You didn't have to-" I spoke, but he quickly interrupted.

"It's my way of saying goodbye... now let's get going before you miss your flight!" Carmen and I both exchanged bewildered looks. It seemed odd that Rio seemed excited for my departure to a foreign country.

I walked over to Carmen and gave her a big hug. She wrapped her tiny arms around me and tapped my back. I looked up at her to watch one single tear fall from her blush-stained cheek.

"I guess this is it, huh?" She said with her voice breaking. I nodded shyly. She soon started singing Elton John. "So goodbye yellow brick road, where the dogs of society howl... you can't plant me in your penthouse, I'm going back my plough." That's something I always admired about Carmen. She could sing any Elton John song word-by-word as if her life depended on it.

Rio smiled to himself, then helped me bring my bags into his car, and soon we were on our way.

~

Once we had arrived, he accompanied me to my terminal - and by no time, the dreaded goodbye had come. I looked up at him and his sleepy eyes.

'Stay' is his hand that swayed on the lining of my hoodie, gripping his plead against the fabric as the overhead speakers start to call in my terminal. 'Stay' are those eyes - those crestfallen, lachrymose eyes - bearing the insignia of unrequitedness. I began to turn my back to him.

"Wait," I spun around to him - soon noticing the gap between us had been closed. "Stay." It was the only word he could say when I could tell he wanted to say more. As I looked into his blue-green irises, ocean eyes, too splendidly surreal, I felt an almost type of surrender - one inhabiting sympathy and pity alike.

"What is it?"

"Don't go-" He cupped his tender hands around my soft cheeks, bringing me into a sweet and lingering kiss.

At that moment I wanted to pull away, but I couldn't. He was tempting and tranquilizing. But, I had to. Once our lips parted he pushed his John Lennon circle glasses up his button-nose.

"I'm going to miss my flight-"

"I'll wait for you," he spoke and I felt my breath hitch. I nodded at him.

This boy sparked a sense of curiosity in my brain - one that has never been turned on before. But, I had to leave. I had nothing for me in Gainesville, Rio seemed to have his whole life figured out.

Soon enough I realized I was looking for him in every instance, every song, every sunset, every drop of rain that fell into the palm of my hand.