My Mistake ⌲ River Phoenix

15; so, you're invisible

Last night Rio and I spent the night at the beach. We watched as the waves crashed at the shore - reminding me a lot of the first painting I did in France - and where I met Olly.

Rio looked at me with an elusive sense of exclusivity that made me feel all types of emotions at once. However, I knew this subtle euphoria had come to an end.

"I've got to get back home, Carm is probably worried sick." Rio nodded. He held my hand in his.

"What are we?" He suddenly asked.

"Well, I..." I tried to piece my feelings together with his beady eyes peering into mine.

"Wait, don't answer that- I know you've got to go. We'll figure it out later, yeah?" He spoke with hopeful eyes. I nodded meekly. I knew how I felt about it... but something inside me just wasn't quite ready to bring down those walls.

After that, he drove me home. The skies were sunny and the streets were packed. Which, inevitably made the ride home incredibly awkward. I stared out the window and wished I was someone else... somewhere else.

Once we arrived at my apartment, he gave me a gentle hug, with his chin resting on my head. I left the car with a heavy heart - but nevertheless happy to be with Carmen after a long day.

"Babe! Anything new ya notice on me?" Carmen ran outside. She looked like she was in the middle of getting ready for work. She posed her left hand and my eyes fixated on the sparkling ring Asher had given her the night before.

"I don't know, new hair?" I responded sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. "It's beautiful, Carmen."

"It's nice to finally be with him..." She smiled as Asher came out the door and wrapped his arm around her. They soon both noticed Rio in his car. "Is this a feeling you're familiar with as well?"

"Rio was just looking out for me... But, more than anything right now, I just want to sleep," I spoke softly, suddenly feeling the strain of the world against me.

I walked up to Carmen and Asher, them greeting me with a warm hug. I entered the apartment and took a brief glance at Rio who had started up the engine again and drove away.

~

I woke up from a long nap to Carmen getting out of bed and frantically running around the apartment.

The only time Carm does get out of her bed is when she has to work. She just got a new job - one that's part-time - just until she gets back on her feet. It's the gay club: BLUE MOON. She bartends there, mostly because she likes being in the same occupation as Asher.

Speaking of, she walked outside her depression cave with glitter on her cheeks and a shiny outfit. She looked as if she just came from outer space.

"Stop staring, Reena," she said abruptly. "You know I can clean up well." I rolled my eyes playfully.

"I never said you couldn't," I retorted as she tied her dirty blonde hair into a half-ponytail.

"When's your turn, huh? All you ever do is mope around muttering 'Rio don't leave!' in your sleep. Get a grip, lil sis," she said with an obvious attitude.

"You wouldn't understand," I muttered.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you get everything handed to you. All the boys fall in love with you in a bat of the eye... it's not like that for me," I mumbled sheepishly. Her eyes traveled down the floor. She trudged over to me and brought me into a hug.

"You're beautiful. It's not that boys don't like you, I think it's who you allow in your life. Your walls don't just come down for anyone... Now can you help me find my hoop ring?"

~

By the end of the night, I had a flight back to France. It was sort of bittersweet - because I missed Gainesville but, I also missed Olly and Jo. They were two people that made life worth it.

Once I landed, Olly greeted me with a warm hug. He brought me into the apartment and we fell asleep together. He's brought me so much comfort. He turned to me in the early hours of dawn.

"Je t'adore, Amour," he spoke slowly, holding me close. I began to feel my breath hitch and my heart sink. "You've got too much on your heart, mon chéri."

"It feels like I can't breathe... I feel like no one can see me for who I really am - know what I really feel."

"So, you're invisible."

"More like, I want to be..." I spoke with a stutter. I haven't cried in almost 10 years... now why does it feel like I'm about to now?

Olivier pulled me close as I felt my eyes overcome themselves with tears. I felt so overwhelmed and overcome. I don't know why I'm feeling like this.

"Take your time," Olly said. There was a minute of silence.

"I feel like the world is crashing down on me."

"It won't last forever," he said as he kissed my forehead. I sank into his arms and fell asleep.