My Mistake ⌲ River Phoenix

21; oh what a day to not be there

Weeks passed, and they soon turned into months. Each day got harder and harder for Carmen without Asher. Olly, and I decided to stay in Nashville and live with Carmen. Jo finally moved in with Bill. Olly and I sold our apartment in Paris, both hopelessly trying to find some full-time jobs to help Carmen with the house payments... and for Asher's funeral.

Carmen remained as stoic as possible since the incident. However, every few days or so you'd find her locked in her room, rocking back and forth, and staring at the wall. When that happened, there was nothing you could do but watch in horror of the toll the death of Asher truly took on fragile Carmen.

Also, Carmen has refrained from talking to me... which is something I wish I didn't have to mention. But, it's true. She likes to blame Asher's death on me... and I think I'm starting to believe her.

As for Rio, he hasn't called or reached out since the night at THE BLUEBIRD CAFE. I can't blame him, though. It's quite the burden, for anyone really. It's not his problem, anyway, and he's got marriage plans soon.

My heart felt heavier as days went on. I knew Carmen would just relapse. The only person who saved her was Asher... and now he's gone. But, before I could think, she walked over to the entrance of my room - which I upgraded the guest room out of.

"I'm having the funeral reception here, Reena," Carmen sighed. I looked up at her. This was the first she spoke to me in almost 3 months. "So, please clean up your room." She then shut the door. I looked down at my trembling hands. It's almost as if I could feel everything at once.

But, maybe I need it, the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness... the weakness. Maybe those emotions are vital to life - and maybe I should stop trying to hide it - stop trying to suppress my emotions.

~

The next day was the funeral for Asher. All friends and close family members were there - all comforting Carmen. Even my parents were there... sadly. Oh, what a day to not be there.

"He was such a great man, Carms," My Mom assured as she brought Carmen into a hug. She began to cry. My Dad kissed her head. "What a shame." I decided this was my queue to hide away for a bit. I didn't want to deal with their passive aggressiveness. I walked back to my room and found Olly sitting at my bed with his head in his hands.

"I can't stand being out there," I spoke softly as he moved his eyes up to mine.

"Things are very hard right now," He stuttered. "I... am not good with funerals." I chuckled and sat down next to him.

"You and me both... My mind is constantly racing," I laid my head on his. "I can't help but to feel like it's all my fault."

"You cannot do that to yourself-" Olly said but soon trailed off. There was music pumping through the house - coming from the backyard. We pushed ourselves off the bed and walked through the crowd to the source of the music.

That's when I realized Aleka's Attic was playing. Rio stood at the top of the stage with a fuzzy-looking coat and his long, brown hair almost at his shoulders. He looked at me and smiled. Olly and I walked over to Carmen.

"Did you ask him to play?" I asked her, she shook her head.

"Once he heard... he insisted. Not too sure why, but I couldn't decline," She said in a soft tone. There was some obvious tension between us but, I chose to ignore it.

"What a beautiful man," Olly said with a big smile.

"He sure is," I agreed.

Aleka's Attic soon started playing "Your Song," - Carmen's favorite. Eyes jumped around the backyard - which was decorated with fairy lights and all sorts of pictures of Asher framed throughout the venue. People seemed to be happy, though. It's been a good amount of time since he's passed... maybe people won't hurt as much.

The crowds of people almost always flocked to Carmen. She kept a wooden smile for them. It's a different type of sadness she exhibits. It's obvious she can't go on living in the memory of their song.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," and "He was a good man," was everything I ever heard throughout the night. Carmen would just smile and nod. I didn't know how to feel.

Once the show was over, the band scattered from the stage and I found myself walking up towards Rio. He looked at me with a delighted look.

"Well, if it isn't my lady, Amoreena," He smiled at me... that sweet smile that grew a few butterflies in my stomach.

"Hi, Rio. Long time no see," I spoke slowly, pursing my lips. I knew he watched me bite my lip. He looked away with a sense of agitation.

"You know, I'm glad you're around. It's nice to see a familiar face," He said - his voice cracking. The tension between us grew. It was undeniable. He glanced away as soon I kept my eyes fixed on his engagement ring. "The wedding is a month from now."

"Is that so?" He nodded meekly.

"I'd love to see you there..." He trailed off looking towards the crowd around Carmen. Soon Olly walked over to me and combed a piece of hair around my ear. River looked almost flustered.

"Can I come for the wedding?" Olly asked mid-laugh.

"Of course you can, wouldn't want Amoreena here to go solo," He assured. I nodded at that.

My stomach was churning - as I realized that the next time I'd see him would be at his wedding. When he gives his life away to a girl that's not me.