My Mistake ⌲ River Phoenix

11; you carried just a match

On the plane ride home, I slept on Olivier's shoulder. He has been a great friend to me through all of this.

"Light me up, Amour," he said as he motioned his cigarette towards me. Recently, he has resorted to calling me Amour because he states it's easier on his tongue. I pulled out a match box and lit it.

"You carried just a match instead of a lighter?" He asked me as he dragged his cancer stick. I laughed as he gave me a hit and we both blew the smoke into the air. "Are you going to start painting again?" He asked as I drifted in and out of the hazy airplane air.

"I'd like to, but I'm afraid I've lost my muse," I muttered sullenly. Although Rio and I were just friends now, I couldn't help but to think about what it would be like to call him my own.

"Paint me eating une apple!" Olivier smiled. I shook my head.

"I wish I was meant for something..." I spoke slowly.

"Don't we all?"

I stood and studied Olivier. He wore a green sweater and held a lit cigarette in between his index and ring finger. He wore silver rings I don't think I've ever seen come off of him. He also wore a chain earring on his right ear. He was quite stylish. He gave me a type of George Michael type vibe.

"We've got to get home for the New Years festival on Champs-Élysées!" He exclaimed suddenly.

"Of course we can, but not for more than an hour. My head would explode," I chuckled.

"Mon chéri!" He said wholeheartedly. It was almost comforting watching Olivier smile. He had this crooked smile that was perfectly imperfect.

~

When I got back home, I collapsed onto my bed and fell into a blissful state of love and sadness alike. I haven't felt this overcome with emotion in a while. Last time I did was when I was 15 and my parents decided to spontaneously leave for a trip to South America - then coincidentally never came back.

They are journalists - constantly traveling the world. They were never really around, which I've quite frankly grown accustomed to. Being alone is and has been all I've ever known.

I'll maybe get a postcard every year on my birthday attached with some pocket money. Guess it's due soon, as it's almost February.

~

As the next week flew by, Olivier and I became roommates - hoping to lessen the blow of the cost of rent every month - and also, I think he was ready to leave the parents nest. We shared the one bedroom.

I also picked up a job at my local pizza place called LOUIE LOUIE'S below my apartment - which I guess would save me money on having to buy a car.

Today was my first day, and a girl named JoJo, Jo for short, she was my trainer. She was short and had curly brown locks.

"You're from the U.S, aren't you?" She asked me, and it struck me as odd that she didn't have an accent. I raised my eyebrows.

"What gave it away?" I asked her, genuinely curious.

"You've got those beady, leering eyes. And, you stare. A lot," she chuckled as he spoke. She began to serve these huge pizzas to customers inside the rustic restaurant as I shadowed. "I know because I'm just like you. I'm from Connecticut. Do you miss it?"

"Not really, I've got nothing there for me."

"What about your parents? Or siblings?" She asked me as I followed her around.

"Parents aren't around, and my sister is practically my best friend. I keep in touch with her as much as I can." She nodded at that.

"Oh, I'm glad," she smiled. She had a raspy voice but it was a nice one. Not one of those raspy smoker voices - but one that reminded me much of the soft voice of my mother's. Jo couldn't have been more than a year older than me, though. "That's it for today, honey. Can you come in tomorrow?" I nodded, then untied my apron and headed back home.

Once I arrived back up my apartment, I noticed Olivier was gone, which was odd because he usually had weekends off.

That's when I suddenly heard a stereo play a honky-town piano song. I looked around the apartment, but no one was home except me. I suddenly felt my heart drop thinking if someone had broke in.

I soon heard Elton John's voice from the record player chime throughout the apartment. It was playing "Amoreena" - the song I was named after.

Just lately, I've been thinking, how much I miss my lady
Amoreena's in the cornfield, brightening the daybreak
Living like a lusty flower, running through the grass for hours
Rolling through the hay like a puppy child

But, before I could try to remember if maybe I left my record playing before I left for work, I saw his tall, brooding figure come out of the shadows of my bedroom. He clutched roses in his calloused hands.

"Just lately," he chuckled. "been thinking about how much I miss my lady... because when it rains - the rain falls down hard." He handed me the roses as I felt myself go numb. He came after me.

"You came back for me?" I asked hesitantly, unsure how to feel. I can't just drop my walls down again. I'm so incredibly terrified of losing him.

"For weeks on end, all I had thought about was you. I tried to ignore it - but there was no use. That's when I heard 'Amoreena' play on the radio. I knew I could never let you go ever again..."

"But, what about the other girl?" I asked - practically at a loss for words.

"I didn't want to admit it, but I was jealous. I tried to move on quickly from you," he muttered - moving his glance over to a vase he had put the flowers in on the table. I stood and watched.

"Jealous of who?"

"Of Olivier. I thought he was your boyfriend..." he trailed off - refusing to give me eye contact. "That you met in France."

"Olivier! You know he's-"

"-Gay? I figured that out when he answered the door for me. He started flirting - hard. He seemed really defeated when I told him I was here for you." he chuckled. "He left to stay at his parents for the weekend, I believe."

I smiled at that. Rio was a handsome man, for sure, I couldn't blame Olivier for shooting his shot.

"Well, I wanted to say thank you, for the gift - the Christmas gift."

"You don't need to thank me - just promise me you stay as Amoreena Webb, not Holden Caulfield," he spoke softly with a hint of sadness. I nodded.

"I promise."

After I said that, he pulled me into a sweet embrace and I never wanted to let go. His hair was long now, and darker. Throughout the rest of the night we played Amoreena over and over as if it was a broken record, swaying to the music of the moonlight.