The Nerd Has A Boner 2: Summer Deeds

Chapter Fourteen

"There is only so much someone can take before they tell you how much they need you. They take your every being of worry just to fall from the weight of it all. It's the weight of being alone while your partner is right there."-Anonymous

Sarah Hill

I remember this morning distinctly. It's not as lonely as the day felt later on when Sandy said her goodbyes to us. My eyes had opened to Oliver's face. The warm light from the sunshine outside glows on Oliver's blanket. The flowing air from the left open window prevents my feet from feeling cold. I turn to look at Oliver. A pair of tired green eyes stare at me. He has bed hair and, he's laying with a hand to the back of his head. His Nintendo lays dead of the battery next to Sunny.

"Morning Sarah," he said hoarsely. I cracked a weak smile.

"Morning," I scooted myself closer to him. All of a sudden, Oliver moves away. One of my brows turns up. A discomfort in my stomach brewed.

"I want to be closer to you," I laugh awkwardly. He avoids my words and brings the back of his palm to my cheek.

"You sleep okay?" He studies me.

"Yes, I'm fine. Let me kiss you," I sat up to look down at his lips.

Oliver moves his hand in a back and forth motion on my cheek before closing the distance. The feel of his hand was soft because that's how Oliver is. It's a quick kiss and wasn't as passionate as ours usually are. There's no love or sweetness. It's just bland and rushed. I still grinned, pulling away. Nothing was coming up as a red flag to me until now. The subtle distancing he was doing. Oliver has never done it in the past. I was right. He is wondering why he started this relationship in the first place.

Why now? Is he getting tired of me?

"You are acting strange," I say. My body flops on top of his. Oliver automatically wraps his arms around me.

"No, just thinking," Oliver shakes his head. My fingers come up to poke his cheek. He grabs them after feeling my jabs.

"About?" I had asked. Oliver pouted his lips.

"Personal things," He cuts the topic off there. I stretch in his arms and move to get up. Oliver stops me. He searches my face looking for something. I'm not sure what.

"What's up?" I had asked again. My voice is more firm.

"Nothing. I'm just taking time to admire you," Oliver smiles. Somehow, that doesn't sound like the truth.

"Well, I have work and, so do you. I'm hitting the shower," I get up. His arms fall to the side. Oliver gets up after me to stretch his body. Then he gathers his things. This morning wasn't a normal one. There are no extra kisses or conversations. The chirping of birds was the only sound in my room. Outside I heard Sandy's boxes screech on the ground.

Papa is an early riser to make coffee and get ready to go to the library where he picks out books Mom would like to read when they first met. Mom is finally allowing the workers at the rehab center to do different exercises that help her build a defense against the thought of drugs. Papa has taken a vacation from his job.

Max is almost always home now unless he goes to the park with Papa or he forces us to watch a movie together. Oliver puts on his shoes and ties the laces. I fluff the pillows on my bed and fold his blanket.

"Here, take it." I hand it to him. He looks at me and pushes the soft fabric to my chest.

"You can add this to your collection. I have too many blankets anyways," He shrugs. Oliver picks up his Nintendo. I take the blanket and eye him before opening my closet to put it with the rest of my blankets. I finish making up my bed in no time. I am about to head for my shower as Oliver slides up my window. He never goes out the window.

"No goodbye?" I asked him with a frown on my face.

Oliver breathes out heavily, "Yeah, right. Goodbye," He waves. His legs hang down as he jumps. Oliver waved me goodbye like we were friends.

Why is he acting this way? Was it because he didn't want to come? I shouldn't have called him. If it's not that then, what could be the matter? Was my life weighing him down? Am I not enough?

I don't know what I did wrong. That's how the morning went. Everything after that was quiet. I don't think any emotion appeared on my face other than a grim look seeing my sister leave the family home. One less person and one more room of emptiness. I hadn't missed her this whole school year because I felt angry that she was making irresponsible choices by modeling.

I'm no better running away and getting into a fight at school which Oliver stopped. He also took a knife to his body for me. Maybe, I'm selfishly in love with him being at my every call. I trust the wrong people and walk into every dead end. I'm no good for anyone, not even myself. I don't expect myself to say I'm sorry because I am not. I downloaded a app to help my anxiety with different strategies and options for one in the moment. Who knows if it will work. The reviews said it was good.

Some of the situations thrown at me were out of my control. All I could do was stick it out until better. Help isn't in Oliver anymore. What's wrong with me? There has to be something. No teenager is unstable as me. I take the crown with no effort. College life will be seeing me soon. The next step towards adulthood. The college I'm attending has dorm rooms of three and everything else is in one building.

Great, just great. All classes rotate each day depending on your major. I'm doing journalism. College sounds slightly different from High school. Not that there is a change in having to learn. My work shift goes slow. Nothing interesting happens. I have no texts from either Betty or Oliver. I"ll give him time and see if he wants to talk. Oliver can't stay away from me for long. I have a couple of minutes left of my shift.

The food aisles can't be restocked because of the number of supplies gone. We get deliveries of supplies on the weekends. There are five more days before the storm hits. Papa plans to visit the store for decorations. We are not sure what to expect since this is our first birthday for Max without Mom.

I take my time walking to the staff room to get my things and clock out. Once I do, I head out of the grocery and into my car. I drive back home to Oliver arriving. He slams his truck close and marches to the window of the car. My heart races in fear. His eyes aren't soft and gentle anymore. They are firm and sharp. I'm getting his voice confused with Jay.

"Get out. We need to talk." A beat of my heart makes its way to my throat. Nervously, I open the car door and get out.

"Why are you so mad? I don't understand what I did wrong," I make my way towards him on the pavement. Oliver is still wearing his work clothes. The chestnut brown locks of hair sat over his forehead.

"Sarah, how many more? I supported you during the times you needed reassurance. I supported you when people talk shit about you because I care. I show up at four in the fucking morning just so you aren't alone," Oliver yells. My stomach burns from the volume of his voice.

The neighbors are probably listening now. A weird shiver racked me. It feels like someone is watching us. I turn myself to my house. Max is looking from his bedroom window.