The Nerd Has A Boner 2: Summer Deeds

Chapter Twenty-Two

"A time comes where you sit and think about how you came to where you. What made you change so much that everything around you isn't the same.-"Anonymous

Sarah Hill

It's the next day and it's even hotter than yesterday. I woke up with a yawn and got ready before heading downstairs. I did my affirmations and texted Betty to see how she was going. It's worrying me that I haven't seen her in a while. As I'm eating breakfast next to Max, I start to think. Summer is almost to an end I have one more month then it's college.

What now?

College life will be just as worse as last year has been for me. I might just get worse with no help. I'll be with nobody to turn to and I know I can count on Papa. Not even Oliver because I know at some point, his parents would think I'm a bad influence. I nearly got him killed after all.

Papa is probably not worried about anything. Max always seems to be thinking.

When I think about it, my actions last night do seem a little extreme.

To me, extreme was always me. As a kid, I did things carelessly because I didn't bother with the consequences. Oliver was probably a good kid. Kaiden is evidence.

Life just keeps throwing another problem after the other for me. This storm is like me. What I grew into the size of. All of the things I did and have happened.

In August, I was so happy to look up at the sky for a while and think how pretty it is before going home to a Mom who asks me about my day and greets me with a smile on her face. A Papa that doesn't drink and end up slapping my brother. A real friend. An eating disorder that doesn't deteriorate who I am.

A point where I could come to my parents to tell them that today was hard or I got assaulted would also be nice. On the side of understanding and Max having actual adults present in his life. Those are things that could happen. That could have made my life perfect.

But at the end of the day, it isn't. Nobody's life is perfect and it doesn't have to change because of you. Everyone around you has feelings and their viewpoint. It's just that you are what people call a "side character" to their life. You control what goes on on your own and how you handle things.

I don't know if I handled everything that has happened to me right. I know for the short period I got to have fun, it was with Oliver because he wanted to be the person I could go to and lean on. He didn't have to but, because he loved the person I am on the inside, nothing else mattered.

No bullet to the body would matter. None of my body image issues would matter. Nobody's words would matter especially not the bad side of us. We've fought and made up and repeat it until it feels right. That's how we work.

It's how we make sure we don't lose each other. I was close to losing myself and giving up. Oliver wouldn't let me. I knew then I love him with all my heart. He's the one for me. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change anything.

Sandy Hill

The whirling of the trees shakes me awake. I feel my eyes glued with boogers and my legs cramping me because of a heavy force. I yawn softly and open my eyes to the rain sprayed on the windows and a cold room. My apartment is quiet except for the snoring. Snoring? I quickly turn and see Derrick with his face buried in one of my pillows. I sit up.

The blanket is covering most of him except for his head that peeks out. His leg is thrown over mine under the covers. He needs to take his shit and leave. I know he wanted to comfort me but it's too late. I chose to walk away from him and now he's snuggled in my bed with no shirt on. His hand moves to push his hair back before popping an eye open at me.

"Morning," his deep voice mellows. I feel my hair still in knots and Derrick with a tight smile.

"You know you have to leave, right?" I pull the blankets off him. He's still got his jeans on. I don't think we did anything.

"Hey, it's hot and there's sweaty people and work outside of here. Plus, you slept so well next to me. Admit it," He cocks his brow, slowly pulling off the thick blanket.

"I was tired that's why. Nothing to admit," I pick up my phone. It's seven in the morning. The sun is out. It's barely gray outside. I have looked at my messages. My boss said he would like to see me in early for my first official day.

Derrick sneakily pulls me to his chest and flops the blanket back over me.

"Derrick, I have work and you know we can't. We just can't," I move out of his grasp. I'm turned sideways and it only makes him groan with a hand to stop me.

"Girl, work this early? This is boiling degree temperature outside that is only growing worse."

"The more heat, the more customers at the restaurant," I say.

"True. I don't want to hold you back this mornimg. I understand last night was a one-time thing, so, I'll go," He gets up sluggishly and walks while shaking his hair. His shirt is picked up. I don't think sleeping and knowing a guy is next to me will ever be comfortable.

It's good that he's learning what I've been trying to tell him. I don't have any feelings toward him or any need to keep him around. Derrick got me where he wanted and I'm not letting it happen again. I won't be used. I won't let him see how I really need him.

"I can take you to my place for breakfast," Derrick says. I watch him put on his shirt and shoes. I am hungry but I don't need his help. I specifically moved here to be independent and not make myself look desperate. Sleeping next to him isn't what I should have done. It's a want, not a need.

"I'm good, I have to buy groceries anyway so I'll just find something to buy outside. Bye," I wave, making up the bed. Derrick looks at me with his eyes filled with pity. He waves before turning and walking to the door with his empty containers. I hear him leave. My stomach growls and my heart hurts. It's for the better. Before, I would indulge in those things all I want. I'm seconds so it doesn't work that way anymore. I get a message and it's from an unknown number. Thinking nothing of it, I block it.