wanderlust ☆ n.longbottom

.:21:.

Neville was right about Veronica and her friends - they seemed to have disbanded completely.

Vivienne and Velma barely showed up to the Great Hall, and when they did they sat at the other end of the Slytherin table to their prior best friend. Daisy was relieved to observe that Velma seemed a lot happier with herself now that she had revealed to her friends her true sexuality.

Veronica appeared to be too busy focusing on Vivienne's betrayal to make a derogatory comment to Velma, which the dark haired girl had suspected would have happened.

Neville was released from the care of Madame Pomfrey later the next day and he was sat next to Daisy in the Gryffindor common room.  A jittery combination of nerves and adrenaline surged through Daisy's body ever since Neville came to join her. She hated that. It would be so much easier if she had continued repressing the feelings she had for her best friend. The hormonal concoction made Daisy's body tremble, which was currently making it a struggle for her to draw. Guilt washed over her like a wave enveloping the shore. She shouldn't be thinking about Neville this way at all. She had a boyfriend! As she continued her shaky sketch, she tried to convince herself that the only reason it bothered her so much that Neville found other girls pretty was because she was protective of him. She didn't want him getting hurt, especially not by girls like Vivienne. 

Hermione bustled over to the duo and informed them of the location of the first DA lesson. Neville muttered something about having to locate Vivienne and Velma and update them. Daisy rolled her eyes as he departed, promising her he wouldn't be long. Hermione noted Daisy physically express her signs of annoyance and hurt before returning to her studying. 

Once Daisy had finished her drawing, she focused her attention on the crackling fire. Fascinated, she watched it devour the scrunched up piece of parchment Ron had just discarded into the flames. She was enjoying the quiet before Dean materialised on the chair that Neville was sat on. 

"Feels like I've not seen you in ages," he exclaimed cheerfully, settling himself down on the maroon, patchwork arm chair. 

"You haven't." For once in her life, Daisy wasn't meaning to be rude. She just had a lot on her mind and it was all painful. She hated herself for how she treat Dean.

Without asking, Dean studied the drawing Daisy had been doing on the bottom of her Charms essay. 

"It's Neville." The boy smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. It was tainted with sadness. Daisy nodded, not daring to look at him in the face. Guilt continued to gnaw at her stomach, leaving behind a nausea. Next, Dean reached under the little coffee table that was patiently sat beside Daisy, bearing the weight of her latest sketch pad. He asked for consent before flipping through. He loved looking at her drawings, her previous books contained many drawings of her late sister Emmeline and caricatures of her professors. This one, Dean realised with a lump in his throat, was filled with pictures of Neville. One of him laughing in the Great Hall holding a peculiar, grotesque looking plant. One of him concentrating on an essay in what Dean assumed to be the Herbology greenhouses. One of him in full colour, sprawled out on a bed of autumn leaves, a golden sun illuminating his relaxed stature. He closed the book.

"Daisy, every single one is of Neville," he said quietly. 

"No it's not," spluttered Daisy in disbelief. She snatched her black sketch book off Dean and thumbed through the yellowing pages. She gasped when she realised he was telling the truth. She tore her eyes off her art and forced herself to look at Dean. His watery eyes and solemn expression broke her heart. "Dean-"

"How long have you loved him?"

Daisy smiled slightly. She didn't want to lie. "I fear my whole life."

"I figured as much." His reply wasn't angry, it was just sad. It made it even harder for Daisy to hear. 

"Dean, I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you. I really thought I loved you. I just had no idea what love was."

Dean exhaled. "I was never good enough for you."

"No, no, Dean you were too good for me. I don't deserve you and you will never understand how sorry I feel. You're going to make a girl really really happy one day, but it just isn't me." A single tear rolled down Daisy's frowned face.

"It's okay. I did really want it to be you but I understand that we just weren't right together. I was too much for you and you were not enough for me."

"Jesus, Dean. If this was the other way around I'd be setting fire to all your clothes."

"It's not your fault, it just didn't work. But thanks for giving it a go. I hope we can still be friends."

"Of course! I'd really like that."

"Not now though. In time. It hurts too much right now." And with that, he departed up to his dorm room. Daisy called out another desperate apology before swearing bitterly at herself.  How did she manage to ruin everything? After a while, she rose to her feet.

"If Neville comes back will you tell him I've just gone for a walk and won't be long," she requested from Hermione. 

"No problem. Are you okay? You know I'm always here if you ever want to talk-"

"I know, Hermione." The genuine concern creased into Hermione's face caused Daisy to cry harder. She didn't deserve any of these people in her life. She left before Hermione could beg her to stay and talk to her and charged into the courtyard. She lit a cigarette and cried long into the night.