"So Awsten's back." Amelia's therapist says, leaning back in her chair with a coffee in her hand.
She sighs in response, Amelia knows that this was a conversation that needed to happen which was why she scheduled a last minute appointment in the first place but it was easier said than done.
"I wouldn't say he's back." Amelia replies stubbornly, crossing her arms over her chest.
In all honesty, she didn't know why she was getting so defensive over the entire situation but if she had to guess it was due to the fact she hadn't fully processed what had happened between her and Awsten almost a week prior.
The fact that there had been complete radio silence between the two of them didn't help this, but she didn't want to be the first person to reach out and she wonders if Awsten was feeling the same way.
In some aspects, to her they were stuck in this weird limbo.
Both of them knowing that there was still feelings there, but being too terrifed to admit it to the other person.
"Then what would you call it Amelia?" Kate asks with an eyebrow raised, and Amelia takes a minute to think about this.
"I would call it, a friendly interaction." she replies, making a face when she sees the reaction she gets from Kate in response.
"If one of your clients told you that their ex showed up at their apartment after 7 months of no contact and they said angry things at each other, until they eventually had sex and then didn't speak for a week afterwards what would you tell them?" Kate questions, and Amelia groans knowing the approach that she's coming at.
"I'd give them a high five." Amelia replies, her tone still stubborn.
"Amelia." Kate replies dryly, and she sighs in response.
"I would tell them, that sex without any sort of communication is never a good idea unless it was expressed ahead of time that was what both parties wanted." Amelia admits, mumbling under her breath.
"And?" Kate pushes.
"And they were setting themselves up for hurt, especially if communication between both parties was never healthy to begin with. That they were immediately falling back into old habits for physical comfort, not putting their mental comfort in mind." she replies, and Kate nods with a pleased look on her face.
"There we go, so what got us here?" she asks, wanting Amelia to keep going with this train of thought.
"I don't know what got us here." Amelia admits honestly.
"Awsten was gone, I thought for good. But then when he showed up at my house with that stupid sweater it was like any logical thought I've ever had went flying out of my brain." Amelia admits.
"Do you have any idea why that happened?" Kate inquires and Amelia shrugs.
"I would lying to say I don't have feelings for him anymore, but I think for a long time I thought that if I just ignored the bad communication and the fact that he hid things from me they just wouldn't exist. That we could live in this happy little bubble where nothing ever went wrong." Amelia says thoughtfully, it making her slightly sad to reflect back on the bad things.
"How does that make you feel?" Kate asks and Amelia makes a face in response.
"I hate that question, it's cliché." she points out and Kate laughs.
"I know it is, but it gets us to the point that you like to avoid." Kate replies, and Amelia rolls her eyes even though she knows that she's right.
"I don't know how it makes me feel, I'm not mad anymore over the fact that he would hide things from me because I almost understand his reasoning you know?" she says and Kate is surprised by this.
"You do?" Kate asks with an eyebrow raised, and Amelia nods.
"He thought that he was protecting me, just like how I thought if I ignored the bad things they wouldn't be real. He probably thought the same thing and because of that he could pretend like everything was fine and therefore we were fine." Amelia says thoughtfully.
"You know that's not a healthy way to deal with things right?" Kate asks with an eyebrow raised and Amelia nods laughing.
"Oh yeah I'm well aware, I'm not saying that it was the right thing to do at all. I think it was what made everything crash and burn as quickly as it did, because by the time that Kayla came into the picture we were already piling up so many things we couldn't even see over them. Add in a stalker ex and neither one of us knew how to handle that." Amelia tells her honestly.
"You're still making excuses for his behavior." Kate points out and Amelia frowns.
"But I'm admitting to the fact that we were both terrible at communication." she says quietly.
"Yes, which is great. But you refuse to admit to the fact that maybe Awsten could of done more to salvage anything, you still haven't talked about the fact that he broke up with you over Facetime across the globe after his ex hit you." Kate replies.
"Yeah but I don't blame him for that." Amelia says plainly, and Kate nods.
"Maybe you should." Kate says and Amelia furrows her eyebrow shaking her head.
"I would be mad at him if I did that." she says matter of factly.
"Then be mad at him, be mad for the way that he treated you and that he left you to deal with everything on your own." Kate tells her kindly.
"I think it's a little too late to regress back to anger after we literally had sex last week." Amelia mumbles and Kate shakes her head.
"It's never too late to process your feelings towards a situation that hurt you, and if you don't fully process them then you will never be able to harvest a healthy relationship with Awsten and you'll be stuck in this constant cycle that you might not ever get out of." Kate tells her and Amelia nods.
Amelia hated the fact that she knew that Kate was right.
"It's very obviously that the two of you care for each other, but you have grown since the last time he was in your life. You don't need to ignore the bad parts in order to keep him around, because you don't need him around." she adds in.
"But I want him around." Amelia says softly.
"You want him, but you don't need him." Kate tells her.
